Name: Egyptian Vice
Genre: History
Released: 2015-07-15
Rating: 6.3
Cast: Alexander Siddig, Shiraz Yasin, Jay Sutherland

Let me start off by saying that if I could give zero stars and still post a rating I would. However, they don't allow you to give zero, so I'm going to have to give this alleged history movie (?) one star.

It is categorised here on IMDb as a movie, although it is masquerading as a documentary (I think), utilising frequent cut-in interviews with a number of experts who are supposed to be providing historical commentary and expansion on the re-enactments, which are obviously the main purpose of this documentary, movie  whatever.

Now, I was not previously familiar with the other experts featured in this melange of dreck, but none of them seems to have Egyptology as a specialty. Englishman Dr Chris Naunton does, however, and he is a serious archaeologist, and a significant Egyptologist. I do find it difficult to believe that he knew what he was signing up for when he agreed to participate in this travesty. But he can take solace in the fact that he was the ONLY expert who quietly provided measured and accurate commentary, and actual known facts. 

Whether the others had their commentaries pre-scripted by the series writers and given to them to learn off will be one of the great academic mysteries of all time. It is hard to believe they will ever be taken seriously by any of their colleagues in their chosen fields again. Such is the damage that this program could – and should – do to their academic credibility. And as for the narrator, actor Alexander Siddig, he's not stupid. He must have needed the money.

So what is "Egyptian Vice" all about? Well, they got the names of the Pharaohs right, but announcing them in Greek-style script was just one of the bewildering decisions made by whoever was in charge. (Was someone in charge?)

Otherwise it's about nothing. At least nothing factual. There are lots of huge pecs, and six-pack abs, fight and atrocity scenes, blood and guts galore, as well as the requisite seductive bath and sex scenes. (But don't get too excited! They're only on the risqué level of a bath soap commercial - and about as interesting.)

Any historical context in terms of religious beliefs or cultural beliefs of the times depicted (spanning 3,000 years!) is completely ignored. And within that framework, they managed to almost completely ignore any known facts or conjectures, except for the most basic details that suited the storyline they wanted to show. What we also get lots of, besides the sex and violence, is moralistic and pseudo-psychological claptrap. But nothing at all enlightening about any aspect of Ancient Egypt.

All but one of our 'experts' analyse the personalities of various Egyptian Pharaohs using ridiculously emotive and inappropriate language. And then they invariably come to the conclusion that ________ (insert applicable Pharaoh's name) was a sociopathic liar, an evil ruthless killer, a blood-hungry psychopath, and/or someone who mistreats both his enemies and his own people, and shows no value in human life, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. All of which we can't possibly know except in extremely general terms, if at all. And all the females are delightfully  - well, I'm sure you already know what. (Yes, of course, sexual deviants. What else?)

From all these moralistic pronouncements one might deduce that the intended audience is the Christian right, for whom the producers have created the ideal viewing opportunity to bask in the moral superiority of looking down on such godless pagan religions and societies. But I rather suspect the true intended audience is those who really like to spy through keyholes. And people who don't care a jot for history, but like films in the manner of "300" where you have lots of sex and stylised extreme violence, filmed as if it's an animated video game, with the same attitude of respect towards any real historical knowledge. 

But if you're a fan of documentaries about Ancient Egypt, avoid it like the plague. It'll only upset you.

Come to think of it, I don't think zero does this tripe justice. Feel free to understand my rating as a minus score.

The history genre features recounting and analyzing past events, societies, cultures, and historical figures. This genre aims to provide insights into the development of civilizations, the causes and consequences of historical events, and the impact of individuals and ideas on the course of history.

Shadowy realm of Ancient Egypt laid bare, unveiling power struggles, forbidden desires, seductive manipulation amidst rulers like Rameses II, Cleopatra.

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Alexander Siddig, Leela Tikadar, and Luca Ribezzo in Egyptian Vice (2015)

Egyptian Vice

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