Ed Huether credited as playing...
Jack Schotz
- Jack Schotz Sr.: You ever heard the phrase, "What don't kill ya makes you stronger?"
- Jack Schotz: I've heard, "Don't sweat the petty stuff, and don't pet the sweaty stuff."
- Jack Schotz: I want you to know something. That wasn't really a magic scan-tron sheet I gave you. The magic was in you all along.
- Jack Schotz: [Making morning announcements] Congratulations to the Fightin' Owls Juv baseball team...
- Maureen Finney: J.V.!
- Jack Schotz: ... on their highest scoring game of the season during their 18-to-3 loss to Valley High. Way to go, team.
- Gerald Matthews: Don't get too lax. Some of these kids really like to make it hard.
- Jack Schotz: Heh. Like your mom!
- Gerald Matthews: That's really not funny. She liked you a lot, and you really kinda dicked her over.
- Principal Robertson: You try to run from this, Jack, and I promise you, your ass is grass.
- Jack Schotz: Finally someone that understands English!
- Nurse Ally Rennells: You remember what a fifty-six-year-old looked like in the eighties? Wilford Brimley.
- Jack Schotz: Cocoon was pretty good...
- Christopher Scott: I'll tell you the truth. I don't want to graduate high school. I'm not stupid. I know this is the easiest time of my entire life. I've been watching... you know what's out there? Taxes are out there. Real bills...
- Matthew Damone: Student loans...
- Christopher Scott: Mortgages... if we're lucky. Then home repairs, politics, and a world full of people just out there lookin' to piss you off. I'd rather just stay here and avoid all of it for as long as possible.
- Jack Schotz: Dick.
- Frye Camerone: Can you give me some weed?
- Jack Schotz: Whaddayoothink I'm some kinda degenerate?
- Frye Camerone: Duh.
- Jack Schotz: Lunch money...
- Robbie Servidio: I got no cash.
- Jack Schotz: Seriously? Tomorrow. Double. Or your ass is grass.
- Robbie Servidio: What does that mean?
- Jack Schotz: It's like I'm speakin' another language here. Money tomorrow or your face gets totaled. Get it?
- Abigail Anders: Even though I think you probably still struggle with low-level misogyny, I don't think you're the creeper I assumed you were before today.
- Jack Schotz: Thanks Abigail.
- Matthew Damone: Whoa, whoa. Nobody's drinking here.
- Jack Schotz: Yeah, good. 'Cause I don't wanna know about it. But hand over the keys so there's no problems tonight.
- Matthew Damone: No, seriously, man. There's no drinking here. We're all underage. Plus, I told you, my parents are upstairs.
- Jack Schotz: You serious again?
- Matthew Damone: Yeah, man.
- Jack Schotz: Are you at least planning to steal your dad's Corvette for a joyride or something tonight?
- Matthew Damone: What? No. My dad drives a Subaru.
- Jack Schotz: Ma, there was a freakin' Viagra on the counter in my bathroom. I don't need to know that kinda shit about you guys.
- Barbara Schotz: Your father doesn't take it for that. It's so he doesn't roll out of bed during the night.
