Chris Chalk credited as playing...
Gary Cooper
- Alex Thacker: The copy should have been assigned to me, but Gary assigned it to Stacey.
- Don Keefer: [to the HR rep] Once I give it to Gary, Gary gets to make that call.
- Alex Thacker: Based on merit, not based on who he prefers to sleep with at any particular moment.
- Gary Cooper: I'm not sleeping and I've never slept with Stacey.
- Alex Thacker: That may or may not be, but probably is a lie.
- [beat]
- Alex Thacker: What we know for sure is Gary flirted with me, hit on me, took me out five times, slept with me twice, and then dumped me in a pile with the rest of the staffers he's used for his pleasure.
- Don Keefer: I can't emphasize this enough. This is the new HR rep.
- Alex Thacker: And I'm fine with all of that.
- Don Keefer: So we're cool.
- Wyatt Geary: No.
- Alex Thacker: What I am not fine with is being passed over for an assignment at work because I exercised poor judgment in my personal life.
- Gary Cooper: I gave it to her because she's better at this kind of thing.
- Alex Thacker: What kind of thing?
- Gary Cooper: The intersection of pop culture and the Holocaust. That might sound crazy.
- Don Keefer: It did.
- Gary Cooper: Look, I've gone out with several of the women in this building.
- Don Keefer: Maybe you don't understand what HR does.
- Alex Thacker: You're saying Stacey is a better writer than I am?
- Gary Cooper: She's a different writer than you.
- Alex Thacker: Different? Like I'm tired of this one, so I'll try a different one?
- Don Keefer: I told Gary to give it to Stacey, all right? He is covering for me. I told him to give it to her because she is a better writer than you are.
- Alex Thacker: Well, what am I supposed to do?
- Don Keefer: Write better. That's it. Thank you both.
- Gary Cooper: [singing as he exits the elevator and walks down the halls to the news room, shocked to see it filled with FBI agents] In olden days, a glimpse of stocking was looked on as something shocking, but now God knows, anything goes. Good authors too who once knew better words now only use four letter words, writing- What the fuck is going on?
