- Will McAvoy: If you think being an ass is gonna make me less inclined to protect you, think again, mofo. I can out-ass anyone in the tri state area.
- Rebecca Halliday: He's telling the truth, Neal.
- Will McAvoy: You know, it feels like you're on my side, but just barely.
- [shouts over his shoulder]
- Will McAvoy: Jenna!
- Rebecca Halliday: You make that poor girl work on a Saturday?
- Will McAvoy: She's a recent journalism school graduate. I'm just completing her education. What she's learning from me can't be found in books.
- Jenna Johnson: [Pokes her head in the door] Yes?
- Will McAvoy: I'd like a Dr. Pepper, please.
- Don Keefer: Yes.
- Sloan Sabbith: Yes, what?
- Don Keefer: Yes, I'd love having a gal pal with no commitment and tons of sex.
- Sloan Sabbith: Great.
- Don Keefer: Just not you.
- Sloan Sabbith: What's wrong with me?
- Don Keefer: Plenty, but I really like you anyway.
- Sloan Sabbith: I'm not good at not being alone. It's what I'm used to.
- Don Keefer: Let me know if you want to get good at it.
- [He walks down the hall]
- Sloan Sabbith: [to his back] The sex is good.
- Don Keefer: Thank you.
- Maggie Jordan: [to an ethics professor she met on a train] You can save your students a lot of time. On the first day of class tell them they know the difference between right and wrong. Do what's right. They don't need a lawyer to tell them their moral absolutes, and whenever you hear someone give a monologue defending the ethics of their position, you can be pretty sure they know they were wrong.
- Will McAvoy: How often are you sleeping when I'm talking to you at night?
- MacKenzie McHale: I really have no way of knowing that.
- Rebecca Halliday: [to Neal who is about to leave the room] You're hot headed right now. Leave the flash drive on the table.
- Neal Sampat: [He removes a key from a key ring and tosses it to Will] It's locked in a filing cabinet under my desk.
- Will McAvoy: [to Mack] Are you getting my point?
- MacKenzie McHale: Yeah, you don't want Neal to go to jail for ten days. Neither do I. But, these are the rules of cribbage.
- Will McAvoy: I could swallow this key, you know.
- Rebecca Halliday: Yeah, cuz what criminal master mind could open an Office Depot filing cabinet without a key?
- [Will glares at her]
- Rebecca Halliday: You're thinking of different ways to murder me right now.
- Leona Lansing: Charlie, did I ever tell you about the time my parents saw 'You Can't Take it With You' on Broadway?
- Charlie Skinner: That was $42,000.
- Leona Lansing: No. $42,350. And it was the last $350 that were the hardest. Sold my clothes. Dealt a little weed.
- Reese Lansing: Mom.
- Leona Lansing: Oh, I'm- I'm just kidding. I didn't sell my clothes.
- Sloan Sabbith: You gave me a little test.
- Don Keefer: You didn't do well.
- Sloan Sabbith: Is this something you read in Cosmo while you were at the dentist?
- Don Keefer: Yes.
- Sloan Sabbith: I said I'd go to the party which doesn't exist because you're a lying liar who lies a lot.
- Don Keefer: Go ahead!
- Sloan Sabbith: Here's what we are.
- Don Keefer: Bring it!
- Sloan Sabbith: I love spending time with you.
- Don Keefer: Oh! Oh Man!
- Sloan Sabbith: Wait!
- Don Keefer: I can't believe I'm getting Don Keefered!
- Sloan Sabbith: You're not! I would never Don Keefer you.
- Sloan Sabbith: Don't you like having a gal pal that you can hang out with where there are extra benefits like stock tips?
- Don Keefer: I can't use the stock tips!
- Sloan Sabbith: [Much louder] Then how about the sex?
- Don Keefer: [Both turn suddenly to see Jim Harper standing in the elevator looking at them. Sloan and Don enter the elevator] Hey.
- Jim Harper: Hey
- Sloan Sabbith: Hey
- Jim Harper: Hi
- Don Keefer: [after an uncomfortable pause] It would take a long time to explain
- Jim Harper: [Cutting Don off] Yeah, yeah
- Don Keefer: [Interrupting Sloane's monologue] We are a couple?
- Sloan Sabbith: [Nervously, buying time] Hmmm?
- Don Keefer: [Looking intently at Sloane] You consider us a couple?
- Sloan Sabbith: I don't understand that question.
- Don Keefer: Yea, you do, 'cause this is exactly how I act in the same situation. Suddently I pretend I am stupid and hearing impaired. Do you consider us a couple?
- Sloan Sabbith: Do *you* consider us a couple?
- Don Keefer: I do that, too, Socrates.
- Sloan Sabbith: We are...
- Don Keefer: Yep.
- Sloan Sabbith: Okay, let me say...
- Don Keefer: Go ahead.
- Sloan Sabbith: Ok, here's what we are.
- Don Keefer: Bring it.
- Sloan Sabbith: I love spending time with you.
- Don Keefer: Oh! Oh, man.
- Sloan Sabbith: Wait.
- Don Keefer: I can't believe I am getting Don Keefer'd!
- Sloan Sabbith: You are not! I would never Don Keefer you. We're a couple. Totally. Of course we are a couple. Let me remind you, I was the one who had a problem with you trading Chipotle. Why? Because, we are... a couple! You are the one buying Chipotle hither and yon, as if, "Duh, look, I don't produce a financial show." See what I mean?
- Don Keefer: [Looking at Sloane *very* suspiciously] Ok.
- Sloan Sabbith: Gotta slide me a waffle, man.
- [Don picks up a waffle from a stack and throws it on Sloane's plate. Sloane gives him a no-you-didn't look]
- Sloan Sabbith: I'll address that aggressive behavior in just a moment.
- Leona Lansing: Webster's Dictionary expanded the definition of the word literally to include the way it's commonly misused... so the thing is, we no longer have a word in the English language that means literally... I mean, literally doesn't have a synonym. So we're going to have to find the Latin word for it and use it.
- Charlie Skinner: Reese, where did our stock close yesterday?
- Reese Lansing: 66.
- Charlie Skinner: And what's Savannah Capital offering you per share?
- Blair Lansing: 81.
- Charlie Skinner: [Writing on a pad of paper] 45% of the controlling shares times 66 equals...
- Reese Lansing: [Pointing over Charlie's shoulder] Carry the three.
- Charlie Skinner: ...times 81.
