- Penelope Garcia: I'll tell you what, those Canadians, they seem so sweet and innocent, but when they go bad, they go Darth Vader bad.
- Jennifer Jareau: So, we get Henry to bed and, you know, we're about to finally have some alone time with mommy and daddy and... you guys know the rest!
- Derek Morgan: Ah, trying to dust off the old cobwebs
- Penelope Garcia: Inappropriate! Seriously, how long has it been?
- Jennifer Jareau: Too long!
- Section Chief Mateo Cruz: [having trouble with the remote control] Would you mind?
- Penelope Garcia: Thank you Jesus, Buddha and Allah! I like to cover my bases! You have to squeeze it.
- David Rossi: [opening quote] "The name written on her forehead was a mystery: 'Babylon the Great, the mother of prostitutes and of the abominations of the earth'" - Revelations 17:5
- Principal Andrew McIntyre: Look! Those women I had sessions with. Okay, maybe some money changed hands, but that was just for their time!
- David Rossi: Yeah, we read the disclaimers on those escorts' websites too
