- Conan O'Brien: Our next presenter heroically saved last year's Oscars from running short. Please welcome Oscar winner, Adrien Brody!
- Kieran Culkin: And the Oscar goes to... Sean Penn, One Battle After Another. Uh. Sean Penn couldn't be here this evening, or didn't want to, so I'll be accepting the award on his behalf.
- Conan O'Brien: Here to present our next award is a man who has the body of a Marvel comics hero, and the voice of a Marvel comics collector. Oscar nominee Kumail Nanjiani!
- Jimmy Kimmel: [while presenting Best Documentary Feature] Oh man, is he going to be mad his wife wasn't nominated for this!
- Kumail Nanjiani: And the Oscar goes to... It's a tie! I'm not joking. It's actually a tie, so everyone calm down, we're going to get through this, focus up. Um, calm down! Remain calm! I'm gonna name one winner, they'll come up, accept their award, and then I'll come back and name another winner, and then they'll accept their award, okay? Here we go! One Oscar goes to "The Singers"!
- Kumail Nanjiani: [later] Ironic that the short film Oscars' gonna take twice as long.
- [chuckle]
- Kumail Nanjiani: And the second Oscar goes to "Two People Exchanging Saliva!"
- [last lines]
- Announcer: The Academy is thrilled to acknowledge Delta Airlines for providing air transportation, for some of tonight's presenters, performers, and nominees. Together, we can keep climbing. LED and projection provided in part by Senovva.
