Regina Hall: Brenda

Scary Movie

Brenda

Brenda: Should we hug?
Cindy: Oh, I really want to, but I'm a Republican now, so I'm supposed to be racist.
Brenda: Oh, girl, I think all white people are racists anyway. Come here.

Cindy: [as Elle is pretending to be wounded] What do you think?
Brenda: I think Drake lost to Kendrick. I still like Drake, but what was up with that lawsuit? That's such a bitch-ass move.

Shorty: [after Shorty & Ray kill Anthony Anderson, Shorty points his knife at Cindy & Brenda] And you... and you! Y'all went and did Scary Movie 3 & 4 without us!
Brenda: Nigga, I'm sorry, they offered me so much money! I got a new house, a new car... I got wigs that don't itch!
Shorty: [to Cindy] And what about you?
Cindy: Well, I had a chance to work with the incomparable Charlie Sheen.
Shorty: [Shorty and Ray look at each other for a moment, then Shorty looks back impressed] Oh, that's good! He's a legend, and his dick game's crazy! You know, he slept with 47,000 women, and a thousand of them women were dudes!
Ray: [scoffs] Lucky guy.

Brenda: [after Elle is shot point-blank in the head, a silicone butt plug falls out of her] Wait, Ray got one of those!

Cindy: [holding up a dildo] You're gonna need this.
Brenda: Do you have one bigger and black?
Cindy: Oh, wrong bag.
[puts the dildo away and hands Brenda a gun]
Brenda: Who are you, John Wick? I would've said Ballerina, but nobody saw that shit.

Ray: Yo, Shaq. Hey, I'm proud of you, bro. You've had an amazing career as a sports commentator since retiring from basketball.
Anthony Anderson: Mm-hm.
Shorty: And I love The Big Podcast, nigga! I love that shit! Even if I don't understand the words you be saying. You be on that show talking...
[speaking gibberish while impersonating Shaq]
Shorty: Kobe!
Shaquille: Enough!
Shorty: But my point is, nigga, I love yo shit!
[Shaq smiles; Shorty immediately has an evil look on his face]
Shorty: But I never got over Kazaam!
[Shorty starts stabbing Shaq and Ray joins in]
Brenda: I hated that movie, too!

Ray: [speaking in church] I'm not gay no more.
[the congregation cheers and applauds him]
Ray: I'm not gay no more! I'm not gay no more!
Brenda: [proud] He's not gay no more!
Ray: I've been delivered! I'll no longer date a man, even if he's sexy as hell with a big ol' chest and perky areolas!
Pastor Prime: Aw man, you still got a secret.
Ray: I'll no longer carry a purse, put on makeup, walk around in high heels!
Pastor Prime: Whaaaat?
Ray: Red bottoms, worn with the cute little buckle on the side!
Brenda: [mortified] Those was my shoes.
Ray: I'll no longer... go on Grindr and swipe right at black men! White men! Asian men!
Brenda: You been on Grindr?
Ray: I'll no longer take trips to the Philippines, looking for ladyboys! To Phuket, Ko Samui, back to Phuket, then to Vietnam to see if I can get 'em any cheaper!
Brenda: I thought that was for our anniversary, Ray!
Pastor Prime: Aw, this nigga got a lot of miles.
Ray: I'll no longer stand butt naked in the mirror, with my penis tucked between my legs!
[the whole congregation gasps]
Ray: Dancing like that dude from Silence of the Lambs!
[wobbling left and right]
Ray: "It puts the lotion in the basket, Precious!" I'm a changed man, I've been delivered!
Pastor Prime: Sheeeit.
Ray: I will! I said, I will! I will! Love! A woman!

Brenda: [seeing Ray in his cowboy costume] Ray, lemme guess! You are Woody from Toy Story!
Ray: Nah Brenda, that's gay! Jake Gyllenhaal from Brokeback Mountain. I wish I knew how to quit you, but I can't.
Brenda: [beaming] You love that movie!