Name: Three Can Keep a Secret
Genre: Thriller
Duration: 1 h 35 min
Rating: 3.7
Cast: Timothy Cornwell, Blake Smith, Lauryn Victoria

Small Town Phoenix, Arizona strikes (out) again

Somehow "small town" Phoenix, Arizona filmmaker Zachary Yoshioka got three of his four films onto the Tomb of Terrors box set. None of his films are really horror so they must have been desperate for filler. His other films on the set were the silly but brief Capture the Flag and the vulgar and annoying but also brief Disk Jockey. Three Can Keep a Secret is his "epic" at 95 minutes and features more Tarantino-aping like in Disk Jockey. It's in no way good or fun or really interesting but at least has slightly better acting and production values than many other films in this set.

The first part is mostly getting to know a group of friends we don't really want to get to know or find interesting. They are petty, crude, vapid and completely unmemorable. So like most humans. Things "pick up" when the unpleasant girl who the two guys in the group both lust after for some reason gets sexually assaulted by a guy she barely knows who she also accepts drugs from. The really scrawny guy from her small friend group bashes the rapist to death in the bathroom of the bar the other male friend owns. This is extremely unrealistic as this guy probably would lose a fight to DJ Qualls.

Now the group has to decide what to do about the killing. First they clean the bathroom of the blood thinking they have done a thorough job. We then get an excruciating scene of them arguing relentlessly and profanely will sitting in a circle chain-smoking about what to do while the camera constantly circles around them while incredibly mediocre industrial electro music blares. The director must have thought this would be the sequence in the movie everyone would talk about but it just comes off as cliched, annoying and reveals just how bad these actors are. Eventually a Bokeem Woodbine impersonator shows up to find the whereabouts of the missing rapist. They use those black lights to inspect the bathroom of the bar and it appears to be covered in glowing spooge. They may have just done a poor job of cleaning up the blood. Things now get hairy for the group and they turn on each other. Towards the end we get the films singular highlight, a nice gushing neck wound. Three Can Keep a Secret is overlong, trite, vulgar, redundant and pointless. It's only better than some films in the Tomb of Terrors set due to having a small level of competency and being able to make out most of the dialogue. I'm glad Zachary Yoshioka's fourth film wasn't on this set.

The thriller genre features suspense, tension, and excitement. These stories are known for keeping audiences on the edge of their seats and delivering intense emotional experiences by revolving around high-stakes situations, dangerous conflicts, and the constant anticipation of unexpected events.

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Three Can Keep a Secret

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