Disappointing ego trip from the great What's-Her-Name

I was an early fan of Katsuni or Katsumi or the girl with the IMDb name Celine, dating back to when she first floated over to America to take on Mandingo long ago. But this made in the U.S.A. Marc Dorcel opus has her delivering a load of b.s.

From the opening cutesy toes wriggling in bed shot (repeated at the end of the feature for cheapness sake) the divine Miss K wears a hang-dog expression which oddly makes her look like Cher without Sonny. In contemporary porn parlance she plays a fictional character that happens to be named Katsuni, slaving away bored as hell as a shop-girl in an L.A. clothing boutique.

Her narration is almost as annoying as that of a '70s Nick Millard lesbian movie, endlessly complaining how dreary her life is, "repetition after repetition" to quote D.H. Lawrence (that's me quoting him, not K quoting him).

Turns out that her malaise stems from the departure for parts unknown of her boyfriend Manuel Ferrara, anti-celebrated on the one year anniversary of his taking a hike. I found this amusing because good old Manuel is so busy humping beauties for a living 365 days a year (he gets a day off on leap years) that K shoulda known better.

At any rate the non-adventures of the fictional K are as boring as the blank expression on her kisser. Danny Mountain, using terrible pick-up lines, scores with her at the shop, but his big dick in bed merely brings back memories of Manuel. We know we're in America when the ubiquitous Xander Corvus shows up in the shop with his honey Vicki Chase, cuing a foursome with K and Bill Bailey.

An abstract fantasy like sequence involving dancers and guest star Anissa Kate (who gets top billing in the credits courtesy of Dorcel) is absurd. Recurring theme of a foot fetish is continued.

Next customer Ramon Nomar easily talks K into attending a porn video shoot he's producing and starring in. She's just as bored in the audience as elsewhere, watching a troilism scene w/Mick Blue on hand. Dorcel clichés of black hose, high heels and d.p.'s are displayed here.

Remembering two years ago K has a flashback of lesbian sex with a girl named Mina. There's another sex scene with Manuel, then he's gone again, but K contrives a cornball happy ending of Ferrara back once more and as she puts it: "I found the one for whose arms I was made". Probably sounds better in French.

By comparison IN BED WITH MADONNA I dare say is more truthful. At any rate, auteur Katsuni had better keep her day job.

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