Danny Pudi: Abed Nadir

Basic Lupine Urology

Abed Nadir

Todd: What's this about?
Abed Nadir: It's about the killing of our biology yam. Will you please come with us?
Todd: But I'm in the middle of making a handle.
Abed Nadir: He wants it the hard way. Tell him what Shirley said.
Troy Barnes: Todd Jacobson, you have the right to do whatever you want. Nothing you say or do can be used against you by anyone, but we'd really like it if you came with us. Please and thank you.

Star-Burns: You got nothing on me! And I don't have to stay here, 'cause you're not cops!
Shirley Bennett: He's right. You're not cops.
Abed Nadir: I'd say our hands are tied, but we basically have no hands.

Star-Burns: Dead yam, big deal. Order some ketchup.
Troy Barnes: That doesn't make sense. You don't order ketchup. It's a condiment!
[Angrily kicks things around]
Abed Nadir: Troy, Troy, hey, walk it off! Troy, walk it off! Sorry, my friend, he's a bad cop.

Abed Nadir: You're telling me after all this, our suspect's gonna slip away on the technicality that we're not police?

Troy Barnes: [Both talking dramatically] Looks like it's gonna be a late night. How'd we manage to pull the short straw?
Abed Nadir: It's not a short straw. It's a hot potato.
Troy Barnes: Yeah, well, looks pretty cold... to me.
Abed Nadir: Cold? Or dead?
Troy Barnes: Survey says...
Abed Nadir: [Normal voice] We can't both do the zinger.
Troy Barnes: Sorry.

Abed Nadir: There's nothing here to connect to Star-Burns. He'd have to confess.
Troy Barnes: Oh, yeah, sure. Maybe if we ask him nice, he'll write us a love letter, too.
Botanist: Well, whoever did do this does owe you guys a letter. An "A." This yam was about to bloom.

Jerry the Janitor: I really shouldn't be doing this. And you're sure you heard a kitten meowing in here?
Abed Nadir: Not anymore, so hurry up.

Abed Nadir: Colonel Archwood got to Star-Burns. Threatened to involve the real cops. Now Star-Burns is in the wind.
Annie Edison: He's our only witness.
Abed Nadir: That what you guys do in here? You push your little papers and you make your little speeches, and in the end another dirtbag walks? Huh? Huh?
[Angrily shoves things off the table and storms off]
Troy Barnes: Abed! Abed! Abed! Walk it off! Walk it off! I'm sorry about my partner. He... he's been on edge ever since we switched.

Botanist: This level of smushing is consistent with someone stepping on the yam after it was dropped.
Abed Nadir: So whoever did this was angry.
Botanist: Hey, I just cut 'em open. You want motive, talk to a shrink.

Shirley Bennett: Britta, zoom in there. There's a clock on the wall.
Abed Nadir: Eight plus two times five...
Troy Barnes: Ten after 8:00.
Abed Nadir: I'm gifted in other ways.
Troy Barnes: That jibes with everyone else we talked to. It seems like the classroom door gets locked at 8:00.
Abed Nadir: Which means whoever did the crime...
Troy Barnes: Got in there before the doors were locked and stayed there for hours.
Abed Nadir: I was gonna say, "Had a key."

Troy Barnes: Abed?
Abed Nadir: Yeah?
Troy Barnes: Why don't we have bunk bed conversations?
Abed Nadir: I don't know. We're best friends, we share a bunk bed. Seems like we should be having them all the time. You start.
Troy Barnes: Okay. Why do you think they call them "bunk beds"? Where's the word "bunk" come from?
Abed Nadir: I don't know. I think it comes from the word "bunker."
Shirley Bennett: So when is your apartment done being fumigated?
Troy Barnes: Oh, it was done about a week ago.
Shirley Bennett: Then why are you still here?
Dean Pelton: I brought you some warm milk.
Shirley Bennett: Oh.
Dean Pelton: There you go.
Troy Barnes: [quietly] Yeah!
Dean Pelton: [singing] Troy and Abed, off to Dreamland / catching the train to Sleepytown / and when they wake up / the Dean'll be here / staring at you. Sweet deans.
[giggles]
Shirley Bennett: That's nice... I guess.

Abed Nadir: Ah, what happened, Todd? Cut yourself on an extra sharp Oscar Wilde play?
Todd: Oh, this? It's a burn. Home ec class. Muffin.
Troy Barnes: What kind of muffin?
Todd: Blueberry.
Troy Barnes: Why not raisin?
Todd: That wasn't the assignment.