Rainn Wilson credited as playing...
Dwight Schrute
- Dwight Schrute: Gabe, I always wondered what it is you did around here. Now I found out. You're the bagel guy.
- Gabe Lewis: Yeah, but not just bagels. All unwanted problems. Question, what's the most important appliance in your house?
- Dwight Schrute: Meat grinder.
- Gabe Lewis: [Buzzer sound] Too slow. It's the toilet. And I am the toilet of this office. I flush away annoying problems so others can keep their hands clean, and, just like a toilet, I am essential.
- Dwight Schrute: You know, Gabe? You could have gone with garbage disposal, incinerator, or eraser, and instead, you chose toilet. God bless you. You're an American classic.
- Dwight Schrute: Animals, machines, vast virtual armies. All of these things I have successfully managed. The only thing I haven't managed is people. I saw an ad on the Sabre website for an open manager position in their printers division. I spoke to Robert California about it, and he said for me to come by and see him sometime. So, like a Spanish conquistador, I have come to Florida to claim what is rightfully mine.
- [first lines]
- [No one is talking in the office, Jim holds up sign that reads "We're on the longest silent streak in office history! Nobody has said anything in... 14 min!", Dwight hangs up on a phone call rather than speak, Andy sees a raccoon eating a hamburger and tries to describe it using charades, Kevin opens a candy bar and takes a bite]
- Kevin Malone: Oh yeah!
- [Everyone says "Aww!"]
- Dwight Schrute: Knew it! I knew it! Soon as I heard that wrapper.
- Oscar Martinez: You really have to say "oh yeah" every time you eat a candy bar?
- Kevin Malone: I can't help it, Oscar. It's just really good.
- [takes another bite]
- Kevin Malone: Oh yeah!
- Jim Halpert: All right, not bad at all. I think we can beat 20 minutes though, so let's try again. Get it all out now if you have to.
- Andy Bernard: It was a raccoon! Eating a hamburger like a person!
- Dwight Schrute: You need to stop banging your pen on your desk, or it's going to drive me insane.
- Jim Halpert: Okay, done.
- Erin Hannon: [shows bloody hand] Does anyone have a first aid kit?
- Darryl Philbin: Check out this song I wrote: I'ma love you downstairs tonight...
- [overlapping chatter]
- Jim Halpert: Alright, here we go! Everybody get ready in three, two, good luck, one...
- Dwight Schrute: [Holding Gabe in an arm block against Gabe's desk] Listen, you're a perfectly fine toilet. I'm just an extraordinary piece of crap.
