Adam Sandler credited as playing...
Brenner
- Sam Brenner: We have something better than light cannons! We have a positive can-do attitude!
- Ludlow Lamonsoff: [sighing, reassured] Ah!
- Sam Brenner: I'm kidding, we're all gonna die. I'm just... sorry.
- Professor Iwatani: Pac-Man is not bad. You'll see.
- Sam Brenner: Professor Iwatani, what are you doing?
- Professor Iwatani: I will talk to him, he's my son.
- [to Pac-Man]
- Professor Iwatani: Hello, my sweet, little boy. Look how big you've grown.
- Ludlow Lamonsoff: That's so sweet, he's so sweet.
- Professor Iwatani: I know, you're a good boy.
- [Pac-Man bit his hand into pixels, then he and the genius scream]
- Professor Iwatani: Somebody kill this stupid bitch!
- [Donkey Kong appears on top of the platform]
- Sam Brenner: Donkey Kong.
- [Donkey Kong rolls a barrel down]
- President Will Cooper: It's just a barrel. How bad can it hurt?
- [Donkey Kong throws down a blue barrel to the oil drum that explodes]
- Matty: Classics you mean Halo and Call of Duty?
- Sam Brenner: No. The real classics. Defender. Pac-man. Astroids. Games you play in an arcade which was a building outside of your house. You would go there with your friends, listen to music, cute girls everywhere. In ancient times, they call it 'socializing'.
- Sam Brenner: Hello. I am a nerd from the Nerd Brigade. Here to nerd out on all your audio and visual needs.
- Matty: Do you have to say that every time you showed up by the house?
- Sam Brenner: If I wanna get paid, yes.
- Matty: Isn't it kind of demeaning?
- Sam Brenner: Only if someone brings that up.
- Matty: Ehh. Well, I won't bring it up then.
- Sam Brenner: Thanks.
- Sam Brenner: Why didn't you call me then?
- Ludlow Lamonsoff: Because the CIA has been tapping my phones ever since I found out the Zapruder film has been edited, JFK shot first.
- Sam Brenner: Ludlow, it is you.
- Sam Brenner: [after Proffesor Iwatani gets hand bitten off by Pac-Man] That was some twisted Pinocchio-Geppetto stuff!
- Sam Brenner: I was supposed to have a baby with my ex-wife. And the doctor who was helping us make the baby did help us make the baby but unfortunately I wasn't in the room.
- Eddie Plant: [Talking about Q-Bert] Can I kill it?
- Sam Brenner: You can't kill Q-Bert! You gotta talk to it, get to know it better. Then kill it!
- Sam Brenner: [Rescuing Violet] Grab onto my mighty hammer!
- Violet: You loved saying that.
- Sam Brenner: Yes, I did.
- [Sam aims the hammer at Donkey Kong]
- Sam Brenner: I've been waiting to do this since 1982!
- [Throws hammer at Donkey Kong and kills him]
- Ludlow Lamonsoff: I believe that some alien life-force, has sent real life video games, to attack us.
- [Scene cuts to Pac-Man attacking the firefighters truck]
- Sam Brenner: [Thinks for 4 seconds] That makes sense.
- Sam Brenner: Is it your birthday?
- Matty: No. My parents are getting a divorce.
- Sam Brenner: Oh. So it's like 10 birthdays.
- Violet: [Addressing Sam Brenner] Why are you following me?
- Sam Brenner: Oh God!
- Violet: I can't believe they even let you in here.
- Sam Brenner: Right.
- President's Assistant Jennifer: Colonel Van Patten, you can go right into the Situation Room.
- Violet: Yeah. See, they need me in the Situation Room, so have fun doing whatever you're doing.
- President's Assistant Jennifer: Mr. Brenner. The president is waiting for you in the Oval Office.
- Sam Brenner: [In a derisive tone of voice] Somebody's more important.
- [Moonwalks and addresses a member of the presidential detail while looking at Violet]
- Sam Brenner: Freddie, can you keep the riff-raff outta here?
- Eddie Plant: I made your game my bitch!
- Professor Iwatani: What is ... "bitch"?
- Sam Brenner: Don't worry 'bout it. He's a criminal
- Eddie Plant: Let's hit it!
- [a chase begins in their cars as ghosts as Pac-Man moves around the city]
- Sam Brenner: Pac-Man's faster than I remember.
- Eddie Plant: Pac-Man's always been faster than the ghost. We're gonna have to outmaneuver.
- [the chase continues until they got Pac-Man cornered]
- Ludlow Lamonsoff: We got him! He's got nowhere to go!
- [Pac-Man moves and eats a power pellet, causing the cars as ghosts to turn deep blue]
- Sam Brenner: Oh, god, no!
- Sam Brenner: For the record, I'm an amazing kisser. All us nerds are, cause we appreciate it more.
- Violet: You didn't even brush your teeth this morning!
- Sam Brenner: I ate a Tic Tac!
