- Dr. John Watson: There are lives at stake... Sherlock. Actual human li... Jus-just so I know, do you care about that at all?
- Sherlock Holmes: Will caring about them help save them?
- Dr. John Watson: Nope.
- Sherlock Holmes: Then I'll continue not to make that mistake.
- Dr. John Watson: And you find that easy, do you?
- Sherlock Holmes: Yes. Very. Is that news to you?
- Dr. John Watson: No. No.
- Sherlock Holmes: [pause] I've disappointed you.
- Dr. John Watson: That's good... that's a good deduction, yeah.
- Sherlock Holmes: Don't make people into heroes, John. Heroes don't exist, and if they did, I wouldn't be one of them.
- Dr. John Watson: I'm glad no one saw that.
- Sherlock Holmes: Hm?
- Dr. John Watson: You ripping my clothes off in a darkened swimming pool. People might talk.
- Sherlock Holmes: People do little else.
- [smiles]
- Jim Moriarty: Do you know what happens if you don't leave me alone, Sherlock?... To you?
- Sherlock Holmes: Oh, let me guess. I get killed?
- Jim Moriarty: Kill you? N... No, don't be obvious. I mean, I'm going to kill you anyway, some day. I don't want to rush it, though. I'm saving it up for something special. No, no, no, no, no. If you don't stop prying... I'll burn you.
- [pause]
- Jim Moriarty: I will burn... the *heart* out of you.
- Sherlock Holmes: I have been reliably informed that I don't have one.
- Jim Moriarty: But we both know that's not quite true.
- Dr. John Watson: [John arrives home to find Sherlock shooting at a smiley on the wall] What the *hell* are you doing?
- Sherlock Holmes: [mumbles] Bored.
- Dr. John Watson: What?
- Sherlock Holmes: Bored!
- Dr. John Watson: [seeing Sherlock raise the gun again] No...
- Sherlock Holmes: Bored! Bored! I don't know what's got into the criminal classes. Good job I'm not one of them.
- Dr. John Watson: So you take it out on the wall?
- Sherlock Holmes: Ah, the wall had it coming.
- Jim Moriarty: I've shown you what I can do. I cut loose all those people, all those little problems, even thirty million quid, just to get you to come out and play. So take this as a friendly warning... my dear. Back off. Although, I have loved this, this little game of ours. Playing Jim from I.T. Playing gay. Did you like the little touch with the underwear?
- Sherlock Holmes: People have died.
- Jim Moriarty: [shouting] That's what people *do*!
- Jim Moriarty: Is that a British Army Browning L9A1 in your pocket... or are you just pleased to see me?
- Sherlock Holmes: Both.
- Sherlock Holmes: I see you've written up the taxi driver case.
- Dr. John Watson: Er... yes.
- Sherlock Holmes: A Study In Pink. Nice.
- Dr. John Watson: Well, you know. Pink lady, pink case, pink phone. There was a lot of pink. Did you like it?
- Sherlock Holmes: Um... no.
- Dr. John Watson: Why not? I thought you'd be flattered?
- Sherlock Holmes: Flattered? "Sherlock sees through everything and everyone in seconds. What's incredible, though, is how spectacularly ignorant he is about some things."
- Dr. John Watson: Now hang on a minute, I didn't mean that in...
- Sherlock Holmes: Oh, you meant "spectacularly ignorant" in a nice way! Look, it doesn't matter to me who's Prime Minister or...
- Dr. John Watson: Yeah, I know
- Sherlock Holmes: ...who's sleeping with who...
- Dr. John Watson: [quietly] Whether the Earth goes round the Sun.
- Sherlock Holmes: Oh God, that again. It's not important!
- Dr. John Watson: Not impor...? It's primary school stuff. How can you not know that?
- Jim Moriarty: Now you're in my way.
- Sherlock Holmes: Thank you.
- Jim Moriarty: Didn't mean it as a compliment.
- Sherlock Holmes: Yes, you did.
- Jim Moriarty: Yeah, okay, I did!
- Dr. John Watson: Anything in? I'm starving.
- [Opens refrigerator]
- Dr. John Watson: Oh, f...!
- [closes door immediately, pauses, opens it again, stares at a human head for a bit, closes door]
- Dr. John Watson: There's a head... A severed head!
- Sherlock Holmes: [From other room] Just tea for me, thanks.
- Dr. John Watson: No, there's a head in the fridge.
- Sherlock Holmes: Yes?
- Dr. John Watson: A bloody head!
- Sherlock Holmes: Well, where else was I supposed to put it? You don't mind, do you?
- Sherlock Holmes: [after explaining a series of complicated deductions] The picture's a fake.
- Dr. John Watson: [impressed] Fantastic.
- Sherlock Holmes: Meretricious.
- DI Lestrade: And a happy new year.
- Sherlock Holmes: [after Molly introduces her new boyfriend] Gay.
- Molly Hooper: Sorry, what?
- Sherlock Holmes: Nothing. Um... Hey.
- Sherlock Holmes: [re: Watson] Study In Pink, you read his blog?
- DI Lestrade: Of course I read his blog. We all do. Do you really not know that the Earth goes around the Sun?
- [Sgt Donovan snickers]
- [last lines]
- Jim Moriarty: Sorry, boys! I'm *so* changeable! It is a weakness with me, but to be fair to myself, it is my only weakness. You can't be allowed to continue. You just can't. I would try to convince you, but everything I have to say has already crossed your mind.
- [Sherlock glances at John, who gives a small, almost imperceptible nod]
- Sherlock Holmes: Probably my answer has crossed yours.
- [shifts his gun aim to the bomb]
- Sherlock Holmes: Look at that, Mrs. Hudson... Quiet. Calm. Peaceful.
- [sighs]
- Sherlock Holmes: Isn't it hateful?
- Dr. John Watson: You know, I'm still waiting.
- Sherlock Holmes: Hm?
- Dr. John Watson: For you to admit that a little knowledge of the solar system and you'd have cleared up the fake painting a lot quicker.
- Sherlock Holmes: It didn't do you any good, did it?
- Dr. John Watson: No, but I'm not the world's only consulting detective.
- Sherlock Holmes: True.
- DI Lestrade: But what has this got to do with that painting? I don't see...
- Sherlock Holmes: You do *see*, you just don't *observe*!
- Dr. John Watson: All right, all right, girls. Calm down.
- Miss Wenceslas: Who are you?
- Sherlock Holmes: Sherlock Holmes.
- Miss Wenceslas: Am I supposed to be impressed?
- Sherlock Holmes: You should be. Have a nice day!
- [as Moriarty is leaving]
- Sherlock Holmes: Catch you... later.
- Jim Moriarty: [high-pitched] No, you won't!
- Sherlock Holmes: How's Sarah, John? How was the Lilo?
- Mycroft: Sofa, Sherlock. It was the sofa.
- Sherlock Holmes: [glancing back at John] Oh, yes, of course.
- Dr. John Watson: How...? Oh, nevermind.
- Dr. John Watson: So why is he doing this, then? Playing this game with you. Do you think he wants to be caught?
- Sherlock Holmes: I think he wants to be distracted.
- Dr. John Watson: Oh...
- [chuckles]
- Dr. John Watson: I hope you'll be very happy together.
- Miss Wenceslas: [seeing Sherlock, who is disguised as a security guard, staring at a painting] Don't you have something to do?
- Sherlock Holmes: Just admiring the view.
- Miss Wenceslas: Yes, lovely. Now go back to work. We open tonight.
- Sherlock Holmes: Doesn't it bother you?
- Miss Wenceslas: What?
- Sherlock Holmes: That the painting's a fake?
- Miss Wenceslas: What?
- Sherlock Holmes: It's a fake. It has to be. It's the only possible explanation. You are in charge, aren't you, Miss Wenceslas?
- Miss Wenceslas: Who are you?
- Sherlock Holmes: Alex Woodbridge knew that the painting was a fake, so somebody sent the Golem to take care of him. Was it you?
- Miss Wenceslas: Golem? What the hell are you talking about?
- Sherlock Holmes: Are you working for someone else? Did you fake it for them?
- Miss Wenceslas: It's not a fake.
- Sherlock Holmes: It is a fake. I don't know why. But there's something wrong with it, there has to be.
- Miss Wenceslas: What the hell are you on about? You know I could have you sacked on the spot.
- Sherlock Holmes: Not a problem.
- Miss Wenceslas: No?
- Sherlock Holmes: No, I don't work here, you see. Just popped in to give you a bit of friendly advice.
- Miss Wenceslas: How did you get in?
- Sherlock Holmes: [scoffs] Please.
- Miss Wenceslas: I want to know.
- Sherlock Holmes: The art of disguise is knowing how to hide in plain sight.
- Dr. John Watson: Uh, anytime you want to explain?...
- Sherlock Holmes: Homeless network. Really is indispensable.
- Dr. John Watson: Homeless network?
- Sherlock Holmes: My eyes and ears all over the city.
- Dr. John Watson: Ah, that's... clever. So-so you scratch their backs, and?...
- Sherlock Holmes: Yes, and then disinfect myself.
- DI Lestrade: Why is he doing this, the bomber? If this woman's death was suspicious, why point it up?
- Sherlock Holmes: Good Samaritan.
- DI Lestrade: Who press-gangs suicide bombers?
- Sherlock Holmes: Bad Samaritan.
- Mycroft: Think about it, Sherlock. Don't make me order you.
- Sherlock Holmes: I'd like to see you try.
- Bezza: Eh, you've gotta help me, Mr. Holmes! Everyone says you're the best. Without you... I-I'll get hung for this.
- Sherlock Holmes: No, no, Mr. Bezza, not at all. Hanged, yes.
- Jim Moriarty: Jim? Jim from the hospital?
- [pause]
- Jim Moriarty: Oh, did I really make such a fleeting impression? But then, I suppose, that *was* rather the point.
- Sherlock Holmes: The only mystery is this: Why is my brother so determined to bore me when somebody else is being so delightfully interesting?
- Sherlock Holmes: Look, it doesn't matter to me who's Prime Minister... or who's sleeping with who...
- John Watson: Whether the Earth goes round the Sun.
- Sherlock Holmes: Not that again. It's not important.
- John Watson: But it's the solar system!
- Sherlock Holmes: [Groans] Oh, hell! What does that matter? So we go round the Sun! If we went round the Moon, or round and round the garden like a teddy bear, it wouldn't make any difference.
- Crying Woman: [sobbing over the phone] I've... sent you... a little puzzle... just to say hi.
- Sherlock Holmes: Who's talking? Why are you crying?
- Crying Woman: I-I'm not crying. I'm typing. And... this... stupid... bitch... is reading it out.
- Sherlock Holmes: [to himself] The curtain rises.
- Dr. John Watson: What?
- Sherlock Holmes: Nothing.
- Dr. John Watson: No, what did you mean?
- Sherlock Holmes: I've been expecting this for some time.
- Crying Woman: Twelve... hours... to solve... my puzzle... Sherlock, or... I'm... going... to be... so... naughty.
- Dr. John Watson: Oh, sh...
- [releasing he's not armed]
- Sherlock Holmes: What?
- Dr. John Watson: I wish I...
- [Sherlock hands him his gun]
- Sherlock Holmes: Don't mention it.
- Jim Moriarty: Sorry, boys! I'm *so* changeable! It is a weakness with me, but to be fair to myself, it is my only weakness. You can't be allowed to continue. You just can't. I would try to convince you, but everything I have to say has already crossed your mind.
- Sherlock Holmes: [Sherlock glances at John, who gives a small, almost imperceptible nod] Probably my answer has crossed yours.
- [shifts his gun to aim at the bomb]
- Jim Moriarty: No no no no no, if you don't stop prying... I'll burn you. I will burn... the heart out of you.
- Sherlock Holmes: Don't make people into heroes, John. Heroes don't exist and if they did I wouldn't be one of them.
- Jim Moriarty: Is that a British Army Browning L9A1 in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?
