Will Ferrell credited as playing...
Nick Halsey
- Nick Halsey: You need to put up some curtains.
- Samantha: Why? So I don't have some drunk staring at me all day?
- Nick Halsey: No so you don't have to look at your future.
- Cop: How much have you had to drink?
- Nick Halsey: Not nearly enough.
- Cop: You know its illegal to have an open container in public?
- Nick Halsey: Your telling me theres a fucking law that I can't drink a beer on my front lawn?
- Frank Garcia: Do you know the success rate for marriage when one person gets sobers, and the other one doesn't?
- Nick Halsey: Is it higher than the suicide rate for cops?
- Kenny Loftus: Your momma is so fat, you have to roll her in flour, then dive for the wet spot.
- Nick Halsey: Do you know what that means?
- Kenny Loftus: No.
- Nick Halsey: Yeah, maybe don't tell that one.
- Kenny Loftus: [pointing at a picture in one of Nick's yearbooks] Is that you?
- Nick Halsey: Yeah.
- Kenny Loftus: You look happy.
- Nick Halsey: I was, I guess.
- Kenny Loftus: What happened?
- Nick Halsey: What do you mean "what happened"? Life happened, work happened, marriage happened.
- Nick Halsey: You know they say that the dining room is the least utilized room in the house? I think it's the front lawn. It's staring to look good, don't you think?
- Nick Halsey: I don't think it's right to make a decision like that without having authentic Mexican food. Have you had an authentic Mexican meal in Arizona?
- [last lines]
- Nick Halsey: *Rule number 17. Never go into business with a friend.
- Kenny Loftus: Thanks.
- Nick Halsey: So I guess I'll see you around.
- Kenny Loftus: Yeah. Maybe we can catch a game some time.
- Nick Halsey: Been a pleasure working with you.
- Kenny Loftus: You too.
