Paul Dano credited as playing...
Louis Ives
- Louis Ives: You have a strange power over people, Henry.
- Henry Harrison: It's my constant disapproval. Some find it fatherly.
- Henry Harrison: As Napoleon said, "If rape is imminent..."
- Louis Ives: [alarmed at Henry's driving] Henry?...
- Henry Harrison: "... relax and enjoy it."
- Henry Harrison: Unfortunately, I said something that offended her, and we had a falling out.
- Louis Ives: What did you say that offended her?
- Henry Harrison: I told her that her ass is big, that she's a saddleback and possibly a moral imbecile.
- Louis Ives: Henry, that seems a lot to recover from.
- Henry Harrison: So, there we are. Where are we?
- Louis Ives: Sorry?
- Henry Harrison: I like to say that sometimes, before retiring.
- Henry Harrison: What are you reading there?
- Louis Ives: Henry James.
- Henry Harrison: It's unreadable. I mean, his early work wasn't as bad. He burned himself, you know. He sat on a stove and shriveled his testicles. That may account for his sudden change of style.
- Louis Ives: I didn't know that.
- Henry Harrison: Primarily, I'm a playwright.
- Louis Ives: Really? Have I seen any of your work?
- Henry Harrison: Sadly, my great opus was stolen by a Swiss hunchback - but that's all too tragic to go into now.
- Henry Harrison: This is starting to sound like an interview. You planning to write the unauthorized autobiography of an obscure playwright whose masterpiece was stolen by a hunchback?
- Louis Ives: Is it so wrong to be interested in you?
- Henry Harrison: Yes! I'm not interested in YOU. From now on I intend to give you the most misleading image possible. You may write my biography but you will never capture my soul.
- [after their night at the opera, Henry and Louis chat before retiring. Henry explains his role as an "Extra Man", and Louis aspires aloud to becoming Henry's assistant. Henry mentions that his lady friend has an attractive young niece. Suddenly...]
- Henry Harrison: Are we having a conversation?
- Louis Ives: Yes, I'd say so.
- Henry Harrison: Well, it has to stop. We should know as little about each other as possible. Good relationships have this foundation. Now goodnight!
- Henry Harrison: I can't be seen when I'm dancing! Whew! I forgot you were here.
- Louis Ives: Well, I... I...
- Henry Harrison: Next time I exercise, I'll make sure that you're OUT, but sometimes the NEED is just too great!
- Louis Ives: No problem!
- Henry Harrison: I must keep in shape, you know. I try to move whatever I think is rotting.
- Louis Ives: So, you see sex as the cause of all of society's problems?
- Henry Harrison: Absolutely. You'll find I'm to the right of the Pope on most of these issues.
