Quotes

Better Than Crazy

Robert: How long have you two been together?
Mary Ann: Three years.
Dave: It seems like so much longer. I mean, I can't remember a time without you.
Mary Ann: The best three years of your life, right?
Dave: Yeah...
Caroline: We can tell.

Caroline: Sarah, have you really not had a shot before?
Sarah: Nope!
Dave: That can't be true.
Sarah: It's true!
Jack: I believe it.
Dave: Wait...
Sarah: No! I've had white zin!
Jack: Well, this is just like white zin, except that it's a lot stronger and you're gonna end up with your panties on your head.

Jack: I was partying pretty hard last week and my landlord told me that if I did it again, he'd kick me out.
Sarah: So it's a foregone conclusion that you're getting kicked out.
Jack: I might need to live in the Winnebago. Does anyone have a problem with that?
Sarah: Yes! We have to split it! You can't live in it.
Jack: How can we split the Winnebago?
Caroline: Have you ever even been inside the Winnebago?
Dave: LET'S ARM-WRESTLE FOR IT!

Dave: Aunt Ethel...
Mary Ann: What is with the geese?
Dave: I see why you hated nature. Those geese are fucking up my speech for you! I had something prepared - it was gonna be great. But I blame the geese.
Caroline: I live on a lake. I can't help it.
Dave: Thanks for not being fat, Aunt Ethel. That has nothing to do with you.
Caroline: Really?
Dave: That was an unrelated thing that I had between me and my Great Aunt Ethel.
Caroline: Really?

Jack: It's sad. Here we are, trying to bring up your heritage - OUR heritage - of corn dogs.
Robert: Heritage of corn dogs?
Jack: Yes!
Dave: And lack of pants.
Jack: And lack of pants. The two things our family is famous for.

Dave: Let me get this straight. You've gone from singing songs about French fries to singing songs about soda pop?
Caroline: You know what? SHANK!
Dave: What's next, nachos?
Caroline: Ooo...
Dave: Roast beef?
Caroline: Shank.
Dave: Hot dogs?
Caroline: BFF.
Dave: Omelettes?
Caroline: BFF.
Dave: Jalapeño poppers?
Caroline: BFF.
Dave: Chicken wings?
Caroline: Shank.
Dave: Meatloaf?
Caroline: BFF.
Dave: Dill relish?
Caroline: On a sandwich or alone?
Dave: Just out of the jar.
Caroline: BFF.
Dave: Tacos y burritos?
Caroline: What?
Dave: I was speaking Spanish.
Jack: El burrito!
Caroline: BFF. Burritos of any kind, BFF. Go on.

Jack: That makes no fucking sense. 'Crazi'? With an 'i'?
Robert: Should we pronounce it differently?
Caroline: It's so crazy that it's 'crazy' - with an 'i'. Like... 'crazy' with an 'i'.
Jack: You need something better than 'crazy'.
Caroline: Yeah! 'Crazy' with an 'i'!
Robert: But why an 'i'?
Jack: That's it? Just because? It's just 'crazy' with an 'i'.
Caroline: Mmm-hmm.

Robert: You want me to go first? I'll go first. Let me think... my favorite cousin story. Sarah - do remember that time you were drinking those drinks in Davis, I think. What were those...?
Caroline: Wikki Wakki Woos.
Robert: That's right - what were in those?
Dave: Those were terrible!
Caroline: That's because they were made for college girls who think Long Island Iced Teas are weak.
Dave: My kind of college girls!

Dave: I got you Pocahontie, the Indian Princess. She has a movable waist and... arms.
Sarah: No movable legs?
Dave: She doesn't need em. That's her way.
Sarah: She has a crutch! And a gun! A giant gun!
Dave: She likes to shoot with one hand and hobble with the other.
Sarah: Thank you. I will treasure this always.

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