- Juliet O'Hara: Why didn't you go in the bank?
- Shawn Spencer: We came here to make a deposit. That's not really a two-man job. What, we both should have grabbed a corner of the check and gingerly walked it in together?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Oh, and Shawn...I just want you to know that no matter what happens, I care about you, and I appreciate you, and, well...I love you, Shawn.
- [Gus hugs Shawn]
- Shawn Spencer: Okay, buddy. I hear you. You know I'm going to be back in, like, half an hour, right? Wow...that is a tight hug.
- Carlton Lassiter: I am breaking about fifty codes of police procedure just by talking to you about this.
- Shawn Spencer: Aargh! Code! That is your biggest problem!
- Carlton Lassiter: Oh, it's my problem?
- Shawn Spencer: Just once, can you grab life by the little Lassiters and follow your instincts? I know you don't like my methods. I know you don't like *me*. But we are pressed for time, and I'm telling you, I am vibing like crazy! Can we screw protocol and get the hell out of here?
- [pause]
- Carlton Lassiter: You take shotgun.
- Shawn Spencer: You are so sexy right now!
- Shawn Spencer: [watching Luntz's overly theatrical entrance] And...cut! Great, dripping with swagger. Let's go again, though, and maybe ease up on the cocksure smile just a bit. I liked it, I'm just not sure it's going to play in the Midwest.
- Shawn Spencer: All right, Jules, give me one good reason why you find this guy attractive.
- Juliet O'Hara: Shawn...
- Shawn Spencer: You can't give me one?
- Juliet O'Hara: I can think of many!
- Shawn Spencer: Is one of them that you're looking forward to giving him sponge baths in the near future?
- Juliet O'Hara: I happen to find his age and his maturity appealing. He is distinguished and virile and, most importantly, he knows who he is, and *that* is attractive.
- Carlton Lassiter: [amused] You two know I'm in the van, right?
- Shawn Spencer: Well, if you remember, I'm holding a bit of a grudge against this particular banking institution.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Why, because they turned you down for a small business loan last year?
- Shawn Spencer: Yes, because they turned me down for a small business loan! That was completely legitimate, Gus.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Shawn, it was for a zip-line pulley system to transport snacks from the kitchen to your desk.
- Shawn Spencer: Or the reception area. What's your point?
- Shawn Spencer: Chief, Elder Commanding Officer Luntz, you need to let me get involved here. You need to let me scope things out.
- Karen Vick: Absolutely not. You're not a trained tactical officer, Spencer.
- Commander Cameron Lutz: Are we positive he's even house trained?
- Shawn Spencer: [pretends to laugh] Okay, all right. Maybe you and I got off on the wrong foot. And you know what? You're right. I have had a few close calls around the house recently. But I can help you.
- Shawn Spencer: You know I'm not a regular person, right, Phil?
- Phil Stubbins: What does that mean?
- Shawn Spencer: I tried once and failed. I'm just too unique and interesting. The French call it "du fromage", which, loosely translated, means "of cheese".
- [Shawn had just called Lassiter "partner"]
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: "Partner"? Uh, excuse me, what was that about?
- Shawn Spencer: Well, you got to admit, it's better than a little boy cat...or a little girl cat.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Not appreciated, Shawn.
- Shawn Spencer: [to Gresling] Do you recall rejecting a small business loan for a zip-line snack transportation system, calling it, and I quote, "fiscally irresponsible"?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Shawn...
- Nathaniel Gresling: Yes, I do.
- Shawn Spencer: Well, Mr. Nathanial Gresling, this little task of retrieving the Mini Oreos took me fourteen seconds. Zip-line? Whoosh! Five. Fiscally irresponsible? Nay, I call that my fiscal obligation to my shareholders, namely Gus here.
- Shawn Spencer: Go ahead. Slap me in the face, tell me they call you Mister Tibbs.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: I'm not doing that.
- Shawn Spencer: Come on. It'll make you feel better.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: [clears his throat] They call me *Mister*...
- [beat]
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: I'm not doing that.
- Shawn Spencer: You were one word away!
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Part of running a business together, Shawn, is sharing in the responsibilites of the "business" side of the business...like making deposits.
- Shawn Spencer: What about the "bidness" side? Cause I'm more of a "bidness" man. Who's covering that?
