Franco 30lance (there's a dumb name for you -the guy's a porn performer, not a rapper) shows his weakness in SEXUAL BLACKMAIL, an idiotic set of 5 videos for which he foolishly takes the credit "five stories by Franco 30lance". This is the sort of filler that cries out for no credits.

As hokily directed by Andrea Lucci, we have relentlessly dull XXX footage, redeemable (as usual) solely by the antics of pretty girls. For the record I'll limn its contents, falsely advertised at two hours in length, only exaggerating by 50%.

"Il Rullino" (The Film) leads off with English spoken (the rest of the picture is in Italian, with English subtitles). This proves to be a detriment, because incompetent sound recording, plus loud music drowning out what is said results in unintelligibility. No loss, this is an all-sex video.

Meridiane (a beauty who inappropriately looks like a hooker here), is being blackmailed: unless she makes love to Andrea Nobili, he will give incriminating photos to her husband. Segment doesn't make much sense, as she services both Nobili and Franco, who's apparently using his prerogative as "writer" to horn in on this segment.

Meridiane is a turn-on but stupid segment gives a hint that Franco is no O. Henry: ending is she gets the photos in return for the sex. Straightforward and mighty dull. Nobili has an unusual looking dick -long of course (or he couldn't get hired for porn) but with a large knob that doesn't match. It enhances Meridiane's soulful blow job, however.

Director Lucci's chief affectation is on view here and throughout the video -he shifts from color to black & white back and forth for no reason; reminds me of modern TV and movie directors who keep jiggling or moving the camera in closeups (see for example the horrendous CSI: Miami series) to demonstrate they haven't fallen asleep in their canvas chair.

Vignette #2 is "Gigolo": a dark beauty Mrs. Romagnoli (Asia Cardero -sounds like a cross between a porn actress and a light heavyweight boxer) phones an agency, seeking a blond guy to come service her. Paoul Santini shows up and does just that. She has him take dirty photos of her as they make love, which she plans to show to her husband to turn him on. Segment just ends: writer Franco has no punch line.

Asia is sexy but never takes her leopard top off for the 13-minute duration: I felt cheated! Paoul has a big dick in the Rocco Siffredi vein, pun intended.

#3 is "L'affito" (The Rent). A grey-haired guy (Erik in non-sex role) tells Franco he can't pay his rent. His only asset, natch, is wife Daniela (AKA Daniella Rush). Surprise: Franco agrees to hump her in lieu of payment.

Switch is that he insists on Erik watching. This is a play on the currently popular (I don't know why) humiliation videos, in which a guy has to watch his wife cuckolding him with some black stud (see Shane Diesel or Sean Michaels for example). Given the Italians' maniacal obsession with cuckolding I wasn't shocked to see the emphasis here.

Daniela is hot and Franco is not sums up this dull segment.

Vignette Four is "L'usuraio" (The Loan Shark). Tough looking blonde Pamela Stealt (something got lost in her moniker when they tried to Anglicize it) brings jewels to Nobili and he only offers her 4 million lira (that's about 50 euros now -just joking). He's willing to go 5 million if she'll throw in some humping. I seem to sense a pattern in Franco's "writing".

She agrees immediately -who wants drama or confrontation when we can have wall-to-wall sex. She gives Andrea's big knob a quality hand job, and things proceed from there to the inevitable money shot.

This boring scene is perhaps the weakest in the film, since Pamela is unattractive and the black stockings/white high heels/red panties/red bra get up was for the birds. I'd already seen Andrea do his thing and didn't need a reminder.

Finale is at least idiosyncratic but still low in quality: "Il Fotografo" (The Photographer). Jade auditions to be Franco's model and he hands her a lot of b.s. about boosting her career, all an excuse to get the reluctant girl to first strip and then blow him. All through this segment I got the intense feeling of Freudian Slips that Franco was revealing his real personality.

After his money shot he says (in Italian) "Well done whore, I'll make you a big star". I'm sure Franco says that to all the girls. Ending is him actually calling up Nino, saying the Italian equivalent of "have I got a girl for you". Whether this was pimping, or actually following through on helping her career is a moot point.

This lousy segment has many slips; early on Franco has a coughing fit -I thought this might be a plot element - I never learn. When she balks at stripping he gets very angry -way too much in context. She's wearing the same distinctive silver high heel shoes as Meridiane in segment #1 -couldn't they afford a wardrobe lady on this shoot? All of a sudden mid-scene he complains that Jade is too hairy "down there", and whips out an electric razor to give her a pubic trim. Pure junk.

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