- Captain Awesome: Morgan, there comes a time in every man's life when he must ask himself, 'Am I a tucker?'.
- Laszlo: [pointing a gun at Chuck] I didn't kill anyone! I was framed!
- Chuck Bartowski: Okay! Okay! I believe you! But FYI, you're kinda acting like a murderer.
- John Casey: You! What do I have to do to get timely intel out of you, Bartowski?
- Chuck Bartowski: Look, I briefed Sarah last night, alright?
- John Casey: [sarcastically] Oh, I bet you did, slugger.
- Chuck Bartowski: I thought we're all suppose to be part of the same team here, huh, Team Chuck?
- John Casey: We are, but I'm starting to feel like the guy that always gets picked last and I don't like feeling like Team Chuck's little fat kid!
- Angry Woman: Is there a trick to get some help around here?
- Chuck Bartowski: Other then being charming and beautiful, no, ma'am.
- Big Mike: Tell me. What's the best part of being Buy More brass?
- Chuck Bartowski: The power?
- [Big Mike stares angrily, but doesn't answer]
- Chuck Bartowski: The money? The ladies?
- Big Mike: The medical. I couldn't give a rodent's behind about this job. But this...
- [Points to his body]
- Big Mike: My body is my temple. And I must treat it as such.
- Morgan: [after having tucked his shirt in] I kinda feel like my, my junk's out there for the whole world to see.
- Captain Awesome: Maybe that's the point, Morgan. Maybe that's the point.
- John Casey: [Chuck is checking his voicemail] Chuck, it's Casey. Call me.
- [Next message]
- John Casey: You think this is funny, Chuck?
- [Next message]
- John Casey: If you don't call me back in the next ten seconds, I'm gon-
- [Chuck plays the next message]
- John Casey: Tie it in a knot and shove it straight up your...
- [Chuck plays the next message]
- Morgan: Ellie, would you characterize me as immature?
- Ellie Bartowski: Do you really want me to answer that?
- Captain Awesome: [wearing very revealing fig leaf outfit] Yo, Chuckster! Guess what I am?
- Chuck Bartowski: You're... naked?
- Captain Awesome: I'm Adam. You know, like Adam and Eve Adam. Wait till you see my snake.
- Chuck Bartowski: I don't wanna - I don't wanna see your snake.
- Chuck Bartowski: [pinned down over bonnet of car, pistol in his face] Is that a water gun?
- Laszlo: [gun pointed down at Chuck] No!
- Chuck Bartowski: Cause I'm pretty sure it's dripping on my face.
- Morgan: Chuck's not here, 'cause he's probably off doing something really mature, like... seeing an opera or... reading.
- Chuck Bartowski: Think about it. This is a desert island, Morgan. Mayonnaise simply doesn't fare well in the tropics.
- Morgan: Oh, yeah, but define sandwich. 'Cause technically you can put anything between two slices of bread. For instance, could I bring a Jessica Alba sandwich to said desert island?
- Chuck Bartowski: What the hell are these?
- [holds up bugs]
- John Casey: Seems you already know, Chuck.
- Chuck Bartowski: I can't believe you've been spying on my most intimate moment-
- [realizes]
- Chuck Bartowski: You know what? I swear to God, if I find out you've been spying on my sister, I will kill you, Casey!
- John Casey: Intimate moments? Not much of that thus far. At least, not in the sense of traditional two-person intimacy.
- Harry Tang: [to Morgan] First Chuck bails on you and his stupid space penis costume, and now he doesn't have the stones to show up for his own interview. What a loser. Even by your standards.
