Robin Atkin Downes credited as playing...
Agent Oranchov • Hippies • Additional Voices
- Ivan Oranchov: I don't get it. We blew that alien spacecraft out of the sky and yet the shriveled geriatric one still survived. These zhopas must be harder to kill than we thought.
- KGB Agent: I spit on them! Ptooey!
- Ivan Oranchov: Nonetheless, inform the Kremlin that we shall proceed with the operation as planned. Tell them we need as much Revelade as they can ship, as quickly as they can ship it.
- KGB Agent: Da, Agent Oranchov.
- Ivan Oranchov: And our American "distributor"?
- KGB Agent: He suspects nothing. In fact he seemed quite enthusiastic about whole idea. He thinks we'll be spreading revolution in a paper cup.
- Ivan Oranchov: And so we will. But not, I think, the sort he expects. Idealists.
- KGB Agent: I spit on them.
- Ivan Oranchov: Stalin, he understood. Ideas may start a revolution, but guns and gulags finish them. Well, no matter. Soon the citizens of Bay City will be embarking on a very bad trip.
- [he laughs evilly while the KGB agent joins in]
- [first lines]
- Ivan Oranchov: Premier comrade Milenkov, comrade agents, thank you for coming. Here's what we know so far.
- [a slide show displaying the first game's events and its aftermath is shown]
- Ivan Oranchov: Ten years ago, the United States government covered up an invasion by an alien race known as Furons. Their primary agent was this Furon: Cryptosporidium-137, dangerous, unpredictable and now deceased.
- Milenkov: So? What is being problem?
- Ivan Oranchov: The problem, comrade, is that Furons can clone themselves and pose convincingly as humans, and they've used these abilities to put Cryptosporidium-138 into the White House!
- KGB Agent: [gasps] The American people are not noticing?
- [all laugh]
- Ivan Oranchov: Da, right. Pull the other one. Even worse, this new Crypto clone contains pure Furon DNA harvested from human brains by Orthopox-13, mastermind of the invasion. He also bears a mysterious new mutation referred to only as "the package".
- Milenkov, KGB Agent: Oooh!
- Ivan Oranchov: These aliens pose a dire threat to the Soviet Union, comrades, and so they must be destroyed! As we speak, President Crypto is in Bay City, attending a youth cultural fest, and Orthopox conducting experiments in the Furon mother ship.
- Ivan Oranchov: Savages. Degenerates. There's only one way to deal with such people.
- Orthopox-13: What in the...
- [the mothership blows up]
- Ivan Oranchov: Revolution.
- Crypto: I bet I could tell you that I'm an alien from the Planet Furon, here to harvest your brain stems, and you wouldn't even care...
- British Hippie: Cool! Do it! At least that will take care of my headache.
