J. Grant Albrecht credited as playing...
Cryptospordium
- Crypto: You know, I did save your life. The least you could do is thank me.
- Dr. Go: Thank you? This is insult! I will not say those two words!
- Crypto: How about these three? Don't kill me!
- Dr. Go: [flatly] Don't kill me.
- Crypto: Come on, say it like you mean it. If you want some extra motivation...
- Dr. Go: Ah, don't kill me, please don't kill me!
- Crypto: That's more like it. Now you just keep saying that and it might just save your life.
- Crypto: What do we know about the Blisk, aside from they're ugly as sin?
- Orthopox-13: They are indeed a most repulsive race, and incredibly vicious. Further, they treat their workers very badly and have offensively short tempers.
- Crypto: Any resemblance to present company is completely coincidental.
- Cosmonaut 1: [during Crypto's speech] Why are we not being allowed in area just northeast of here?
- Cosmonaut 2: Da, what are you having to hide?
- Crypto: Because Milenkov thinks you're too drunk and stupid to go over there without getting lost, that's why.
- Cosmonaut 2: Drunk, okay, but STUPID? Why, that zhopa!
- Cosmonaut 1: Da! We can no longer be trusting Premier Milenkov!
- Crypto: Oh, it ain't just Milenkov, kids. The Blisk think you're a bunch of morons, too.
- Cosmonaut 2: Bliskeviks, also? But they're always telling us Soviet Union will be ruling world!
- Cosmonaut 1: Da, Leonid! What evidence are you having to mistrust Bliskeviks?
- Crypto: *Evidence*? They're controlling your mind!
- Cosmonaut 2: Tsk, tsk... I am thinking Comrade Cosmonaut Leonid is drinking too much Revelade.
- Crypto: They've taken over your entire government!
- Cosmonaut 2: Tsk, tsk... Comrade Leonid is perhaps watching too much American television.
- Crypto: They're giant freakin' lobsters! From outer freakin' space!
- Cosmonaut 2: Tsk, tsk... we are seeing long-term psychological effects of space travel. Poor Leonid.
- Crypto: They're taking away your vodka!
- Cosmonaut 1, Cosmonaut 2: [gasps]
- Orthopox-13: Crypto, what if it's true? What if you are... The One?
- Crypto: Well, I did take a red pill this morning.
- Coyote Bongwater: [when he first sees Crypto] Aaah! Goddamn flashbacks!
- Crypto: Guess again, sunshine. Nice setup you got here. Guns, drugs, bra-burning hippie chicks... A man after my own heart, if I had one.
- Crypto: So, modern art? Jackson Pollack pees on a canvas and sells it for fifty grand?
- Reginald Ponsonby-Smythe: Ha! Oh... you're serious. Well, I suppose it takes an educated eye to make sense out of it.
- Crypto: Educated eye? What a crock! I don't need a masters in art history to know what I like.
- Reginald Ponsonby-Smythe: Yes, but as conceptual art becomes more abstract, it helps to understand what the artist had in mind...
- Crypto: You do realize the player's in the kitchen making nachos right now.
- Reginald Ponsonby-Smythe: Well, you did that whole "Blue Rider" thing in the first game, so I thought...
- Crypto: Yeah, I know. Lead balloon city.
- Orthopox-13: Here we are, scene 1. I looked pretty good that day.
- Crypto: You're a
- [bleep]
- Crypto: hologram, you look like crap.
- Orthopox-13: Crypto, watch your language you
- [bleep]
- Orthopox-13: [bleep] !
- Reginald Ponsonby-Smythe: I'm glad you're here, sir. The Soviets appear to be up to some mischief.
- Crypto: What sort of mischief? 'Cause if she says she's eighteen, you can't just call her a liar.
- Crypto: So you're a secret agent huh? Well I got got a 'package' that needs delivering. For your eyes only.
- Natalya Ivanova: I have four knives concealed on my body and I'm lethal with all of them. Concentrate!
- Crypto: Oooh... I think I'm in love...
- Crypto: Hey, Pox, you know, I've been thinking and, well, I bet that all of this really cuts back on all of your practical jokes, don't it?
- Orthopox-13: Oh, sure, point out that I'm dead again! It just gets funnier every fiftieth time you do it, doesn't it?
- Crypto: [talking about his cult] This will be the greatest thing in your life since you found out that boil on your butt was just a marshmallow.
- Crypto: [Ponsonby has drugged Crypto] So sleepy... you... I'll
- [he passes out]
- Reginald Ponsonby-Smythe: Lower life forms. When will they ever learn?
- Reginald Ponsonby-Smythe: Now tell me all the good things you remember about your mother.
- Crypto: You mean, you're not my mother? Or are you?
- Reginald Ponsonby-Smythe: We know you have it! Tell us where it is or it's the Ludwig treatment for you. Eyelids peeled back, excruciating torture, endless hours of Ludwig Van!
- Crypto: Oh, God! Not Beethoven! Anything but Beethoven!
- Crypto: What was... What was that all about? Oh, my freakin' head... This gas is noxious. Smells like Pox's underwear. Don't ask me how I know that. Hey... Hey, what the... Damn dirty apes! Where the hell am I?
- Natalya Ivanova: You're in the ABCESS Mental Reconditioning Facility, under the streets of Albion. Looks like I got here just in time. Now come on, spaceman, move your ass!
- Crypto: I don't get it. Why are you helping me?
- Natalya Ivanova: Because I know now, you're the only one I can trust. Anyway, who else is going to rescue you?
