Maggie Roswell: Shary Bobbins • Additional Voices

Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(Annoyed Grunt)cious

Shary Bobbins • Additional Voices

Shary Bobbins: Hello. I'm Sharry Bobbins.
Homer Simpson: [excited] Did you say Mary Pop...?
Shary Bobbins: No! I definitely did not! I'm an original creation, like Rickey Rouse and Monald Muck.

Groundskeeper Willie: Shary Bobbins and I were engaged to be wed back in the old country. Then she got her eyesight back. Suddenly the ugliest man in Glasgow wasn't good enough for her.
Shary Bobbins: It's good to see you, Willie.
Groundskeeper Willie: [angry] That's not what you said the first time you saw me!

Lisa Simpson: Oh, Shary Bobbins, this is ever so much fun.
Bart Simpson: With you, every day is Guy Fawkes Day!
Montgomery Burns: Bah, humbug.
Shary Bobbins: Oh, Mr. Burns, I think you'll find all life's problems just float away when you're flying a kite.
Montgomery Burns: Balderdash. This is the silliest load of... ooh! Look at it fly! Whee! Look at me, Smithers! I feel practically superduperfragicalicexpiala...
[storm clouds form and he's electrocuted by a bolt of lightning]
Montgomery Burns: do... ohhhh! Ooh. What's this strange sensation in my chest?
Waylon Smithers: [feeling his chest] I think your heart's beating again.
Montgomery Burns: Ooh. That takes me back. God bless you, Shary Bobbins.

Homer Simpson: Now, Ms. Bobbins, if you want this job, you're going to have to answer a few questions. First, do you have any bad habits?
Shary Bobbins: No. I'm practically perfect in every way.
Homer Simpson: Well, so am I.
[he boorishly drinks milk straight from the carton while scratching his butt, then belches]
Homer Simpson: Ah! Okay. Question two. Who was your last employer?
Shary Bobbins: Lord and Lady Huffington of Sussex.
Homer Simpson: [leaning over to Marge] Marge, do we know them?
Marge Simpson: No.
Homer Simpson: Come on. Isn't he the guy I bowl with? The black guy?
Marge Simpson: That's Carl.
Homer Simpson: Oh, yeah.
[to Shary]
Homer Simpson: So, you worked for Carl, eh?
Bart Simpson: I have a question. Pop quiz, hotshot. I'm supposed to be doing my homework, but you find me upstairs reading a "Playdude". What do you do? What do you do?
Shary Bobbins: I make you read every article in that magazine, including Norman Mailer's latest claptrap about his waning libido.
Homer Simpson: Ooh. She is tough.

Shary Bobbins: The policeman on the beat/Needs some time to rest his feet.
Chief Wiggum: Fighting crime is not my cup of tea.
Shary Bobbins: And the clerk who runs the store/Can charge a little more/For meat.
Apu: For meat.
Shary Bobbins: And milk.
Apu: And milk.
Shary Bobbins, Apu: From 1984.
Shary Bobbins: If... you... cut every corner, you'll have more time for play
Homer Simpson, Marge Simpson, Bart Simpson, Lisa Simpson, Shary Bobbins: It's the American way.
[as they leave Bart's room, Homer slams the door shut, and everything the kids put away spills back out]

Shary Bobbins: All right, children. Let's clean up this room.
Bart Simpson: Oh, man!
Lisa Simpson: Do we have to?
Shary Bobbins: Now, now. I know a little secret that will make the job go twice as fast.
[singing to the melody of "Spoonful of Sugar"]
Shary Bobbins: If there's a task that must be done/Don't turn your tail and run/Don't pout, don't sob/Just do a half-assed job/If... you... cut every corner, it is really not so bad/Everybody does it, even Mom and Dad.
[outside, Homer dumps a used couch into Flanders' yard]
Shary Bobbins: If nobody sees it, then nobody gets mad.
Bart Simpson: It's the American way.

Shary Bobbins: I believe my work here is done.
Marge Simpson: Thank you for everything.
Lisa Simpson, Bart Simpson: We'll miss you, Shary Bobbins.
Homer Simpson: You've changed me, as well. I'm no longer the money-driven workaholic I once was.
Shary Bobbins: I love you all.
[giving them a final wave and leaving]
Shary Bobbins: Oh! To think I'll never hear those sweet voices again.
Homer Simpson: [crashing through the front window, strangling Bart] Aw, you... you... you little...!
Shary Bobbins: Oh.
[heading back in, she sees Lisa aimlessly banging on a pot, and gasps upon seeing Maggie using a fire extinguisher to put out the front curtains and Marge shivering, with her hair falling out again]
Shary Bobbins: Oh, I'll just unpack my things.
Abe Simpson: [floating outside through the open door] I think we got our umbrellas switched! Whee! I never felt so alive!
[he begins snoring as he floats away]

Shary Bobbins: [singing] In front of a tavern/Flat on his face/A boozehound named Barney/Is pleading his case.
Barney: Buy me a beer/Two bucks a glass/Come on, help me/I'm freezing my ass/Buy me a brandy/A snifter of wine/Who am I kidding?/I'll drink turpentine.
Moe: Move it, ya drunk/Or I'll blast your rear end.
Barney: I found two bucks.
Moe: Then come in, my friend.
Shary Bobbins: And so, let us leave/On this heartwarming scene.
Bart Simpson: [falling asleep] Can I be a boozehound?
Homer Simpson: Not 'til you're 15.

Marge Simpson: Shary, you did the best you could, but you can't change this family, and neither can I. From now on, I'm just gonna sit back and enjoy the ride.
Shary Bobbins: But haven't I taught you people anything?
Homer Simpson: Nope.
Lisa Simpson: No.
Bart Simpson: Nope.
Marge Simpson: No.
Shary Bobbins: So you like it this way?
Homer Simpson: Indubitably!
[singing]
Homer Simpson: Around the house/I never lift a finger/As a husband and father, I'm sub-par/I'd rather drink a beer than win Father of the Year/I'm happy with things the way they are.
Lisa Simpson: I'm getting used to never getting noticed.
Bart Simpson: I'm stuck here 'til I can steal a car.
Marge Simpson: The house is still a mess/And I'm going bald from stress.
Marge Simpson, Homer Simpson, Bart Simpson, Lisa Simpson: But we're happy just the way we are!
Ned Flanders: They're not perfect, but the Lord says love thy neighbor.
Homer Simpson: Shut up, Flanders.
Ned Flanders: Okely-dokely-do.
Shary Bobbins: Don't think it's sour grapes/But you're all a bunch of apes/And so I must be leaving you.
Bart Simpson, Lisa Simpson: [watching her fly away] Goodbye, Shary Bobbins!
Marge Simpson: Thanks for everything!
Barney: So long, Superman!

Homer Simpson: Shary Bobbins! I want another beer.
Shary Bobbins: Well, you know, Homer...
[singing]
Shary Bobbins: If there's a job that must be done/You'll find it's much more fun...
Homer Simpson: [interrupting] You'll find it's even *more* fun if *you* get it for *me*.
Shary Bobbins: [continuing] But the beer will taste more sweet/If you get up off your seat...
Bart Simpson: Lady, the man asked for a beer, not a song.

Shary Bobbins: Lisa, don't sit in front of that telly like a fly stuck on a toffee. It's a great big world out there.
Lisa Simpson: Been there, done it.
Shary Bobbins: I know! We could have a tea party on the ceiling.
Lisa Simpson: Shh. TV.