Joyce DeWitt credited as playing...
Janet Wood
- Jack Tripper: [referring to Chrissy] Everywhere you look, she's a girl.
- Janet Wood: What am I, a gorilla?
- Jack Tripper: No, no. You're very... bright.
- Janet Wood: Oh. More like a chimp?
- Janet Wood: Have another beer.
- Jack Tripper: No, I wanna go home to my own room to sleep in my own bed. I don't want another beer.
- Barmaid: [ample cleavage] Would you like another beer?
- Jack Tripper: [much enamored] Oh, yeah.
- Chrissy Snow: I've got an idea.
- Jack Tripper: I want my own bed.
- Janet Wood: You haven't even heard it yet.
- Jack Tripper: [insists] I want my own bed.
- Chrissy Snow: You can sleep in our room.
- Jack Tripper: I...
- [realizes, changes his tune:]
- Jack Tripper: On the other hand, I don't wanna be unreasonable.
- Chrissy Snow: [to Janet] We could sneak him in. My mother won't even know he's there.
- Janet Wood: Him in the same room with us?
- [frowns at Chrissy]
- Janet Wood: And you in the same room with him?
- Jack Tripper: Oh, for...
- [rises]
- Jack Tripper: I will be on my best behavior, honest.
- [steers Chrissy on her way, then turns to Janet:]
- Jack Tripper: Is the bed big enough for the three of us?
- Chrissy Snow: You can't sit here while we get undressed.
- Jack Tripper: Oh, I'm sorry. Will the view be better if I stand?
- [hiccups]
- Janet Wood: Go cure your hiccups.
- [shoos him out]
- Jack Tripper: [goes to door, turns back] Whatever happened to the sexual revolution?
- Chrissy Snow: Your side lost.
- [chuckles merrily]
- Jack Tripper: [Janet's taking Jack to the Regal Beagle to avoid Chrissy's mother] Do I have to?
- Janet Wood: You'll love it there - the beer's flat, but the barmaid's not.
- Jack Tripper: [Heading for the door] Move 'em out.
- Janet Wood: [on the phone with Chrissy] What do you mean, your mother's staying? Where's Jack gonna sleep?
- Chrissy Snow: Well, there's the bus station.
- Janet Wood: The cops will pick him up!
- Chrissy Snow: How about the 24 hour laundromat?
- Janet Wood: [cynically] The hookers will pick him up.
- [first lines]
- Chrissy Snow: Well, I put up the clean curtains.
- Janet Wood: Oh, Chrissy...!
- Chrissy Snow: I hope that Jack likes 'em.
- Janet Wood: You're gonna spoil him.
- Chrissy Snow: No, I'm not. I just think if he's coming to live here we ought to make him feel at home.
- Janet Wood: Well, I did my bit. I put the toilet seat up.
- Janet Wood: [to Chrissy] Don't you have something to do?
- Chrissy Snow: Oh! Yeah.
- [turns towards Jack:]
- Chrissy Snow: Come into the kitchen and show me what you've got.
- Jack Tripper: [incredulously] Now?
- Janet Wood: She, uh, she means the groceries.
- [chuckles]
- Jack Tripper: Oh. Yeah.
- [chuckles]
- Chrissy Snow: Janet!
- Janet Wood: What?
- Chrissy Snow: That was my mother on the phone. She'll be here in a few minutes.
- Janet Wood: What's she doing in L.A.?
- Chrissy Snow: Oh, she wanna see her dentist. If she finds out, I mean, two girls living in an apartment with a man, you know what she'll think!
- Jack Tripper: Oh, come on, Chrissy, people are doing it all over the place.
- Chrissy Snow: That's what she'll think!
- Janet Wood: Well, I... I thought that your father was the problem.
- Jack Tripper: [to Chrissy] Your father's living with two girls?
