- Francis: [sobbing] Don't tell me not to cry! Maybe my tears will make an ocean, and you can sail off on a boat to a new life without me!
- Reese: Dad, remember the chocolate soufflé I made for Thanksgiving two years ago?
- Hal: Oh, yeah, that was...
- Reese: RAT PUKE compared to what I have planned. The crêpes I made last Thanksgiving?
- Hal: Oh, they were...
- Reese: CRAP next to what we're having tonight. Don't think of this as a meal. This is like eating the Mona Lisa.
- Hal: [about Lois' meddling in Francis and Piama's marriage] Okay, I'm not smart enough to figure out what you're up to. But when something bad happens, I am blaming you.
- Francis: I will not keep my voice down. What, you think they won't know in like 5 minutes that we're getting a divorce?
- Piama Tananahaakna: Sorry, we're having some problems.
- Francis: Having some problems? Is that what you call finding out that all the love that we shared was a lie?... Hi Mom.
