Harry Morgan credited as playing...
Col. Sherman T. Potter
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: Now, what's the story on Houlihan?
- Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly: Nobody's seen her.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: Strange.
- Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly: I've checked with everyone from Nurse Able to Sergeant Zale.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: A to Z, very methodical.
- Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly: Oh, I try to use the alphabet whenever I can, sir.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: Think, Radar-- you must have missed someplace.
- Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly: No, I looked everywhere except the nurse's showers.
- [Potter looks up at Radar]
- Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly: Oh, no sir, I couldn't look in there! There might be naked female personnel showering with their clothes off!
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: What's the big deal?
- Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly: Oh, well... nuditity makes me breathe funny.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: Affects me the same way. Do it.
- Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly: But sir, couldn't we find somebody else, like, uh, maybe Captain Pierce?
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: No, we'd never get him out of there. You're the man.
- Cpl. Walter 'Radar' O'Reilly: I... yes sir.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: Pardon me for asking, colonel, but why are you dressed like an Italian usher?
- Colonel Flagg: Can you keep a secret?
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: I think so.
- Colonel Flagg: I'm disguised as Ling Chow, a Chinese double agent.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: Funny, you don't look Chinese.
- Colonel Flagg: Neither would Ling Chow if he were dressed like this. Follow me?
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: As far as I'd like to.
- Colonel Flagg: Well, I'm off.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: I couldn't have said it better myself.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: [after Frank shot BJ in the leg] Burns, what's the meaning of this?
- Maj. Frank Burns: I was cleaning my gun and it discharged prematurely. Sir, I think the Chinese have captured Maj. Houlihan.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: I see. So naturally, you shot Capt. Hunnicut.
- [Radar has just finished demonstrating with his teddy bear to some Korean women how to give birth]
- Col. Potter: Congratulations, Mrs. O'Reilly, it's a bear.
- Colonel Flagg: Don't try to be funny with me, Colonel. I've trained myself not to laugh or smile.
- Col. Potter: Really?
- Colonel Flagg: I watched a hundred hours of the Three Stooges. Every time I felt like smiling, I jabbed myself in the stomach with a cattle prod.
- Col. Potter: That oughta do it.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: [after Frank shot B.J] You've got to give him an A for resourcefulness. How many doctors do you know provide their own patients?
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: What is it, Burns?
- Maj. Frank Burns: Well, Colonel, I'm still worried about Margaret.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: We're all worried, Major.
- Maj. Frank Burns: But I'm more worried than anybody else.
- Col. Sherman T. Potter: [gently] It's not a contest.
- Col. Potter: How bad is it?
- Hawkeye: Superficial. Fortunately, Frank's as good a marksman as he is a surgeon.
