- Sam Malone: Coach, I'm having blackouts.
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: It's kind of a nice break in the day, isn't it Sam?
- Cliff Clavin: What's the matter, Norm?
- Norm Peterson: Uh, oh, nothing. Just that my shorts are binding up on me.
- Cliff Clavin: Just stand up and straighten them out.
- Norm Peterson: Nah. I'll give 'em five minutes. Sometimes they self-correct.
- Diane Chambers: The level of conversation in this bar could not sink any lower.
- [Dave Richards walks into the bar]
- Dave Richards: [to Diane] Hiya wonderbuns.
- Diane Chambers: "Going down"!
- Norm Peterson: Hey Dave, Dave. What was that you said at the end of your sports report last night?
- Dave Richards: Oh, I said uh, "Good night and remember: the world is full of winners and loser. Here's hoping you're one of them."
- Norm Peterson: Well, I guess I did hear it right.
- Sam Malone: [about the names in his little black book] It took me years to meet all these people.
- Diane Chambers: And even longer to alphabetize them.
- Carla Tortelli: Hey, Coach. Will you take me home?
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: OK Carla.
- Carla Tortelli: You know Coach, every night you walk out of here and you forget your keys. You got 'em this time?
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: It's OK Carla. I got it all figured out. I left 'em in the car.
- Carla Tortelli: Aren't you afraid someone's going to steal it?
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: I locked the doors.
- Carla Tortelli: How are you going to get in without your keys?
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: I made a duplicate set.
- Carla Tortelli: Where are they, Coach?
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: [realizing that he left them behind the bar] Holy mackerel.
- [the Coach gets the keys from Sam]
- Ernie 'Coach' Pantusso: [walking out the door] Carla, we'd better make it scramble. It looks like it's going to rain. Come on, I left the windows open.
