Columbus Short: Pooch

The Losers

Pooch

Jensen: [Aisha has the Losers in a Mexican standoff] Ohhhh... shit. She's got a gun and... it's pointed at my dick. Clay, it's pointed at my dick!
Pooch: Would you rather it was pointed at your face?
Jensen: I know it makes no sense, but yes!
[Aisha points her gun at Jensen's face]
Pooch: Better?
Jensen: Not really...
Clay: Where's your gun, Jensen?
Jensen: It's in the van.
Clay: What's it doing there?
Jensen: Not... much.
[Aisha rolls her eyes]
Roque: Will you two shut up?
Jensen: Well, what if it was pointed at YOUR dick?
[Aisha shoots Jensen in the arm]

Clay: Pooch, can you stand?
Pooch: Oh. Oh, this is Stupid Question Day. This is Stupid Question Day, and nobody decided to tell me! Naw, that's cool. It's all good.
Jensen: Come on, Legless Pooch, I got ya.

Jensen: Can you stand?
Pooch: I've been shot in *both* of my legs. What kind of dumb-ass question is that, really?
Jensen: So now we're Mister Grumpy-pants? You know, you're not the only one who got shot today.

Jensen: Did you know that cats can make one thousand different sounds and dogs can only make ten? Cats, man. Not to be trusted.
Pooch: You know what? Do me a favor - NEVER say that again.

Pooch: Okay. You know that if we do this, we are waging a war against the Central Intelligence Agency.
Cougar: They started it.

Roque: Think you're thinking clear on this? Huh? 'Cuz every time we mess up, it's because of a woman.
Clay: Name one time that I...
Roque: Amber.
Clay: Amber wasn't the problem, Amber's husband was the problem.
Pooch: Amber's husband wasn't the one who shot you.
Clay: It was only in the leg.
Jensen: What about Emma?
Clay: Emma doesn't count. I didn't sleep with Emma.
Roque: No, because she put a bomb in your car!
Clay: All right, I admit - that did take a little of the romance out of it.

Aisha: [as their chopper is sprayed with .50 caliber machine gun fire] WHOA! I though you said small arms weren't a problem.
Pooch: That look like small arms to you? Huh? That's a cannon.
Aisha: Doughnut.
Pooch: That's a CANNON!
Aisha: Doughnut doughnut DOUGHNUT!
[Both scream as they graze a Dunkin' Donuts sign]
Aisha: Are you SURE you've done this before?
Pooch: Okay. Right now? Not the time. Not the time right now.
Clay: Pooch, what's your status?
Pooch: Well, I'm completely irritated and possibly crashing.

Pooch: [Finding a broken down yellow school bus in their search for an escape vehicle] Ah!
Jensen: No!
Pooch: Yeah!
Jensen: Really?
Pooch: Why not!
Jensen: Can you?
Pooch: Of course!

Pooch: All right, look. We're not going anywhere until you two squash this bullshit.
Clay: Pooch, we're on a schedule here. Let's go.
Pooch: [imitating Clay] Oh, "we're on a schedule?"
[Yanks the keys out the ignition, looks pointedly at Clay and Roque]
Clay: [sighs] Roque... I'm sorry I hit you in the face.
Pooch: [laughing] Oh. That was good. That was good. Roque? ROQUE?
Roque: Clay... I'm sorry I threatened to cut your head off.
Pooch: VERY good! Wow. Don't you two feel so much better?
Clay, Roque: [in unison] NO.
Pooch: I don't give a shit. I say we go watch Jensen get himself killed, yeah?

[first lines]
Cougar: Sorry, I just can't give you that kind of information. I'll do anything else. I just can't do that. I can't betray my country. I won't. This country gave me everything.
Cougar: Oh, God! Just keep him away from me. Please! Don't let him near me. Oh, no! Oh, God!
Pooch: Come on, baby. Just relax into it. Let Godzilla do his thing.

Pooch: [finding a school bus to transport the children being held hostage] Uh.
Jensen: No.
Pooch: Yeah.
Jensen: Really?
Pooch: Why not?
Jensen: Can you?
Pooch: Of course.
Jensen: Okay.