Logan Lerman credited as playing...
Roy Eberhardt
- Beatrice Leep: Hey, cowgirl.
- Roy Eberhardt: Yeah?
- Beatrice Leep: I'm really glad that... You know what, I'm just gonna call you "Roy" from now on. If that's all right with you.
- Roy Eberhardt: And what's wrong with Ling Ho?
- [She laughs and hits him with a pillow]
- Dr. Gonzalez: And what's your name?
- Roy Eberhardt: Uh...
- [He glances at the nearby janitor, and reads his name tag]
- Roy Eberhardt: Ling Ho.
- [Roy sits at Beatrice's table]
- Beatrice Leep: What is your problem?
- Roy Eberhardt: I think you're the one with the problem. Beatrice, I've got no idea why you're mad about what happened on the bus. You're not the one who got choked, and you're not the one who got punched in the nose. So I'm only going to say this once. If I did something to upset you, I'm sorry. It wasn't on purpose. Next time you've got a problem, just tell me, and then we'll sit down and talk about it like civilized human beings.
- Beatrice Leep: Civilized.
- Roy Eberhardt: Are we straight on this?
- [Beatrice just glares]
- Roy Eberhardt: Good. I'm glad we had this chance to get to know each other just a little bit better.
- [He takes his lunch tray and leaves]
- Soccer Pal #2: He's kind of cute, don't you think?
- [Beatrice glares]
- Soccer Pal #2: In a way that's not cute *at all.*
- [from trailer]
- Roy Eberhardt: We've got to stop this construction once and for all.
- Mullet Fingers: We're the only ones who care.
- Roy Eberhardt: We're the only ones that know!
- [about Dana, after Roy broke his nose]
- Roy Eberhardt: I wrote him a note, that should be the end of it.
- Garrett: A note? That's adorable. What did you say? "I'm sorry I smoked you. Please don't break every bone in my body. Please leave me one good arm so I can feed myself"?
- Roy Eberhardt: You're hysterical.
- Roy Eberhardt: My mom told me Florida was so sunny and gorgeous, that everybody in America wanted to live there. Everybody except me. And as usual, I was out-voted.
- Roy Eberhardt: Hey, Dad?
- Mr. Eberhardt: Yeah?
- Roy Eberhardt: What do you do to catch the bad guys?
- Mr. Eberhardt: At work? Well, we don't chase our bad guys down the street. The trick is to catch them in their paperwork. Sooner or later, they all slip up and leave a trail.
- Roy Eberhardt: Right.
- Mr. Eberhardt: I know it's boring stuff, it's not the razzle-dazzle you were hoping for.
- Roy Eberhardt: I don't know. Maybe it is.
- Roy Eberhardt: I knew I couldn't spend the rest of the school year hiding from Beatrice the Bear. I had to take a stand, even if it meant getting decapitated with my own lunch tray.
- [Beatrice has run away from home, and revealed herself hiding under Roy's bed]
- Roy Eberhardt: How long have you been here?
- Beatrice Leep: Oh, don't worry. I kept my eyes closed while you put on your very colorful jammies.
