Primitive Brit Porn vampire saga has its moments

Hazza B'Gunne and his Tongueincheek Prods. label toiled in Brit Porn during the era when Cathy Barry and Omar Williams ruled the roost, before the current "Brit Porn Chic" period of today. Its title is the only resemblance to the Robert Rodriguez/Quentin movie, and it pales in comparison to Barry's pair of much better vampire epics.

The actors call each other by different character names than those listed in the end credits, a typical sloppiness. Lead vampire is called Vladimir the Impaler, but credits insist on turning this into a dumb joke, so we get Pascal White as "Gladys the Inhaler". 

His band of undead are the scourge of Wardour Street in Soho, with some brief location footage. But the very lengthy feature takes place indoors where humping, followed by biting, occurs.

There's plenty of in-jokes hiding behind very thick British accents, at times impenetrable to the American ear. Mark Sloan is the chief protagonist, grilled by the D.I.'s played by Steve Hooper and Claudia, en route to a d.p. threesome for these 3 players at the film's climax.

Before that we are introduced to sexy vampire Janca, whose bite is changing hapless Sloan into a vampire, too. He has a dream sequence which was the show's highlight for me, as it starred two classic beauties, Angel Dark and Sarah O'Neill, as lesbian vampires.

A pair of big-hats, leather-trench-coated vampire hunters played (NonSex) by Vincent Van Goth (!) and Blake De'ath, punctuate many scenes with their droll sense of humor, perhaps meant as a peculiarly British riff on Kevin Smith characters. It all adds up to nothing, but at least has some semblance of cross-over content, especially compared to many of auteur Hazza's all-sex filler releases.

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