- Willy Wonka: Do you like my meadow? Try some of my grass! Please have a blade, please do, it's so delectable and so darn good looking!
- Charlie Bucket: You can eat the grass?
- Willy Wonka: Of course, you can! Everything in this room is eatable, even *I'm* eatable! But that is called "cannibalism", my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies.
- Willy Wonka: Everything in this room is eatable, even I'm eatable! But that is called "cannibalism", my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies.
- Grandpa George: There's plenty of money out there. They print more every day. But this ticket, there's only five of them in the whole world, and that's all there's ever going to be. Only a dummy would give this up for something as common as money. Are you a dummy?
- Charlie Bucket: No, sir.
- Grandpa George: Then get that mud off your pants! You've got a factory to go to!
- Mike Teavee: Why is everything here completely pointless?
- Charlie Bucket: Candy doesn't have to have a point. That's why it's candy.
- [Willy laughs endearingly]
- Willy Wonka: [getting his shoes shined by Charlie, his face hidden behind a newspaper] Pity about that chocolate fellow, Wendle, er, Walter...
- Charlie Bucket: Willy Wonka.
- Willy Wonka: That's the one. Says here in the papers his new candies aren't selling very well. But, I suppose maybe he's just a rotten egg who deserves it.
- Charlie Bucket: Yep.
- Willy Wonka: Oh really? You ever met him?
- Charlie Bucket: I did. I thought he was great at first, but then he didn't turn out so nice. He also has a funny haircut.
- Willy Wonka: [coming out from behind the newspaper] I do not!
- Charlie Bucket: Why are you here?
- Willy Wonka: I don't feel so hot. What makes you feel better when you feel terrible?
- Charlie Bucket: My family.
- Willy Wonka: Ew!
- Charlie Bucket: What do you have against my family?
- Willy Wonka: It's not just *your* family, it's the whole idea of...
- [balks]
- Willy Wonka: You know, they're always telling you what to do, what not to do and it's not conducive to a creative atmosphere!
- Charlie Bucket: Usually they're just trying to protect you, because they love you.
- [Willy looks away]
- Charlie Bucket: If you don't believe me you should ask.
- Willy Wonka: Ask who? My father? Ha! No way. At least not by myself...
- Charlie Bucket: You want me to go with you?
- Willy Wonka: Hey! Hey, what a great idea! Yeah!
- [jumps up]
- Willy Wonka: And you know what? I brought transporta...
- [bangs into the glass elevator and falls down]
- Willy Wonka: I have to be more careful where I park this thing.
- Veruca Salt: Daddy, I want a squirrel. Get me one of those squirrels, I want one!
- Mr. Salt: Veruca dear, you have many marvelous pets.
- Veruca Salt: All I've got at home is one pony and two dogs and four cats and six bunny rabbits and two parakeets and three canaries and a green parrot and a turtle, and a silly old hamster! I WANT a SQUIRREL!
- Mr. Salt: All right, pet. Daddy will get you a squirrel just as soon as he possibly can.
- Veruca Salt: But I don't want any old squirrel! I want a *trained* squirrel!
- Mr. Salt: [wearily] Very well. Mr. Wonka? How much do you want for one of these squirrels? Name your price.
- Willy Wonka: [Veruca looks at him and grins like the Cheshire cat] Oh they're not for sale. She can't have one.
- Veruca Salt: [drops her smile and glares towards her father] Daddy!
- Willy Wonka: [imitating Mr. Salt] I'm sorry, darling. Mr. Wonka's being unreasonable.
- Veruca Salt: [directs towards her father] If you won't get me a squirrel, I'll get one myself!
- Mike Teavee: Who wants a beard?
- Willy Wonka: Well, beatniks for one, folk singers, and motorbike riders. Y'know. All those hip, jazzy, super cool, neat, keen, and groovy cats. It's in the fridge, daddy-o! Are you hip to the jive? Can you dig what I'm layin' down? I knew that you could. Slide me some skin, soul brother!
- Grandma Georgina: [as Willy takes a seat near her] You smell like peanuts. I love peanuts.
- Willy Wonka: Oh, thank you. You smell like... old people. And soap. I like it.
- Willy Wonka: Let's go put him in the taffy puller!
- Mr. Teavee: [completely horrified] Taffy puller?
- Willy Wonka: Hey, that was my idea! Boy, is he gonna be skinny!
- Violet Beauregarde: [hugs Wonka] Mr. Wonka, I'm Violet Beauregarde.
- Willy Wonka: [freaked out] Oh, I don't care.
- Violet Beauregarde: Well, you should care. Because I'm the girl who's gonna win the special prize and the end.
- Willy Wonka: Well, you do seem confident and confidence is key.
- Veruca Salt: I'm Veruca Salt. It's very nice to meet you, sir.
- [does a curtsy]
- Willy Wonka: I always thought a verruca was a type of wart you got on the bottom of your foot.
- [laughs]
- Augustus Gloop: [steps directly before Veruca] I'm Augustus Gloop. I love your chocolate.
- Willy Wonka: I can see that. So do I. I never expected to have so much in common.
- [stops and turns around to Mike]
- Willy Wonka: You, you're Mike Teavee. You're the little devil who cracked the system.
- [then looks directly at Charlie]
- Willy Wonka: And you, well, you're just lucky to be here, aren't you?
- Grandpa Joe: Mr. Wonka, I don't know if you will remember me, but I used to work here in the factory.
- Willy Wonka: Were you one of those despicable spies who everyday tried to steal my life's work and sell it to those parasitic copy-cat candy-making cads?
- Grandpa Joe: No, sir.
- Willy Wonka: Then wonderful, welcome back. Let's get a move on, kids.
- Mr. Salt: [as the squirrels take Veruca] Where are they taking her?
- Willy Wonka: Where all the other bad nuts go, to the garbage chute.
- Mr. Salt: Where does the chute go?
- Willy Wonka: To the incinerator. But don't worry, we only light it on Tuesdays.
- Mike Teavee: Today *is* Tuesday.
- Willy Wonka: [after a pause] Well, there's always a chance they decided not to light it today.
- Mrs. Gloop: Where is my son? Where does that pipe go to?
- Willy Wonka: That pipe, it just so happens to lead directly to the room where I make the most delicious kind of strawberry-flavoured chocolate-coated fudge.
- Mrs. Gloop: Then he will be made into strawberry-flavoured chocolate-coated fudge? They'll be selling him by the pound all over the world?
- Willy Wonka: No, I wouldn't allow it. The taste would be terrible. Can you imagine Augustus-flavoured chocolate-coated Gloop? Ew. No one would buy it.
- [last lines]
- Narrator: In the end, Charlie Bucket won a chocolate factory. But Willy Wonka had something even better... a family. And one thing was absolutely certain: Life had never been sweeter.
- [the movie's narrator turns out to be an Oompa Loompa]
- Charlie Bucket: Mr. Wonka?
- Willy Wonka: [caught off-guard] Huh?
- Charlie Bucket: Why would Augustus's name already be in the Oompa-Loompa song, unless they...
- Willy Wonka: [interrupts] Improvisation is a parlor trick, anyone can do it.
- [Turns to look at Violet]
- Willy Wonka: You, little girl. Say something. Anything.
- Violet Beauregarde: Chewing gum.
- Willy Wonka: Chewing gum is really gross, chewing gum I hate the most. See? Exactly the same.
- Mike Teavee: [strongly disagrees] No, it isn't.
- Willy Wonka: [pretends not to hear] Uh, you really shouldn't mumble. Because I can't understand a word you're saying. Now, on with the tour.
- [Wonka starts walking and everyone else follows him]
- Grandma Georgina: [the glass elevator crashes through the roof of Charlie's house] I think there's someone at the door.
- Grandpa George: The kids who are going to find the golden tickets are the ones who can afford to buy candy bars every day! Our Charlie gets only one a year. He doesn't have a chance.
- Grandma Josephine: Everyone has a chance, Charlie.
- Grandpa George: Mark my words. The kid who finds the first ticket will be fat, fat, fat!
- [Cuts to Augustus Gloop holding up the winning ticket]
- German Reporter: Augustus!
- Augustus Gloop: [as cameras flash] I'm eating the Wonka bar and I taste something that is not chocolate. Or coconut, or walnut, or peanut butter, or nougat, or butter brittle, or caramel, or sprinkles. So I look and I find the golden ticket.
- Grandpa George: [sees Augustus on television] Told you he'd be a porker.
- Willy Wonka: Watch this!
- [pulls a handle on a large machine, that begins to make noise! As everyone watches, it eventually dispenses a small stick of gum, that Violet Beauregarde takes]
- Mike Teavee: [unamused] You mean that's it?
- Willy Wonka: Do you even know what 'it' is?
- Violet Beauregarde: [matter-of-factly] It's gum.
- Willy Wonka: Yeah, it's a stick of the most amazing and sensational gum in the whole universe, heh, know why, know why? Because this gum is a full three-course dinner all by itself!
- Mr. Salt: Why would anyone want that?
- Willy Wonka: [looks confused, then pulls out his cards and reads from one] It will be the end of all kitchens and all cooking. Just a strip of Wonka's Magic Chewing gum and that is, all you will ever need at breakfast, lunch, and dinner. This gum happens to be tomato soup, roast beef, and blueberry pie!
- Grandpa Joe: It sounds great!
- Veruca Salt: It sounds weird.
- Violet Beauregarde: Sounds like my kinda gum.
- [removes her own gum from her mouth and sticks it behind her ear]
- Willy Wonka: [worriedly] I'd rather you didn't, there's still one or two things that are...
- Violet Beauregarde: [confidently] I'm the World Record holder in chewing gum. I'm not afraid of anything!
- [pops the gum in her mouth and starts to chew]
- Mrs. Beauregarde: How is it, honey?
- Violet Beauregarde: It's amazing! Tomato soup, I can feel it running down my throat!
- Willy Wonka: Yeah! Spit it out!
- Grandpa Joe: Young lady, I think you'd better...
- Violet Beauregarde: It's changing... roast beef, with baked potato. Crispy skin and butter!
- Mrs. Beauregarde: Keep chewing, kiddo! My little girl's gonna be the first person in the world to have a chewing gum meal!
- Willy Wonka: Yeah. I'm just a little concerned about the...
- Violet Beauregarde: Blueberry pie and ice cream!
- Willy Wonka: That part.
- Veruca Salt: [staring at Violet] What's happening to her nose?
- [Violet keeps chewing and her nose starts turning color]
- Mr. Salt: It's turning blue!
- Mrs. Beauregarde: Your whole nose has gone purple!
- Violet Beauregarde: [touching her nose] W-What do you mean?
- Mrs. Beauregarde: Violet, you're turning violet!
- [to Wonka; concerned]
- Mrs. Beauregarde: What's happening?
- Willy Wonka: Well, I told you I hadn't quite got it right, 'cause it goes a little funny when it gets to the dessert. It's the Blueberry Pie that does it. I'm terribly sorry!
- Violet Beauregarde: Mother, what's happening to me?
- [continues to turn blue and starts to grow]
- Grandpa Joe: She's swelling up!
- Charlie Bucket: Like a blueberry!
- Willy Wonka: [to Mrs. Beauregarde] I've tried it on like twenty Oompa-Loompas and each one ended up as a blueberry. Heh, it's just weird!
- Mrs. Beauregarde: But I can't have a blueberry as a daughter! How is she supposed to compete?
- Veruca Salt: You could put her in a county fair!
- [Wonka laughs; Mrs. Beauregarde looks at Veruca viciously]
- [Augustus is still covered into chocolate as he and his mother leave the factory]
- Mrs. Gloop: [distressed] Augustus, please don't eat your fingers.
- Augustus Gloop: [eating off his fingers] But I taste so good.
- [Mrs. Beauregarde and her daughter then leave the factory; Violet has much of the juice squeezed from her body and is doing handstands and cartwheels, still blue]
- Violet Beauregarde: [after shaping into a pretzel shape] Look mother, I'm much more flexible now.
- Mrs. Beauregarde: [disapprovingly] Yes, but you're blue.
- [Mr. Salt and his daughter then leave the factory, both covered into garbage; He attempts with extraordinary endeavor to control his visible anger against Veruca]
- Veruca Salt: [seeing the glass elevator floating into the sky] Daddy, I want a flying glass elevator!
- Mr. Salt: Veruca, the only thing you're getting today is a bath, and that's final!
- Veruca Salt: [glares at him, strongly disagrees] But I want it!
- [Mr. Salt fiercely glares back at Veruca, leading her to remain quiet. Mr. Teavee and his son then leave the factory; Mike's body is completely extended and looking tall and thin]
- Mike Teavee: You don't understand *anything* about science! First off, there's a difference between waves and particles! DUH! Second, the amount of power it would take to convert energy into matter would be like nine atomic bombs!
- Willy Wonka: MUMBLER! Seriously, I can't understand a word you're saying!
- Grandma Georgina: Things are going to get much better.
- Narrator: And for once, Grandma Georgina knew exactly what she was talking about. The next morning, Charlie helped his parents fix the hole in the roof. Grandpa Joe spent the whole day out of bed. He didn't feel tired at all. Charlie's father got a better job at the toothpaste factory: repairing the machine that had replaced him. Things has never been better for the Bucket family. The same could not be said for Willy Wonka.
- Violet Beauregarde: What's so funny?
- Willy Wonka: I think it's from all those dog-gone cocoa beans. Hey, by the way, did you guys know that chocolate contains a property that triggers the release of endorphins? Gives one the feeling of being in love.
- Mrs. Beauregarde: [flirtily] You don't say?
- Willy Wonka: I sure hope no part of him gets left behind.
- Mr. Teavee: What do you mean?
- Willy Wonka: Uh, well... sometimes only half of the little pieces find their way through. If you had to choose only one half of your son, which one would it be?
- Mr. Teavee: What kind of a question is that?
- Willy Wonka: No need to snap, just a question.
- Willy Wonka: [as the Glass Elevator passes over a hospital wing, where Oompa-Loompa doctors and nurses are tending to their puppet patients] This is the Puppet Hospital and Burn Center. It's relatively new.
- Grandpa Joe: I saw Willy Wonka with my own two eyes. I used to work for him, you know.
- Charlie Bucket: You did?
- Grandpa Joe: I did.
- Grandma Josephine: He did.
- Grandpa George: He did.
- Grandma Georgina: I love grapes.
- Willy Wonka: And the rest of you must be their p-p-...
- Mr. Salt: Parents?
- Willy Wonka: Yeah! Moms and dads!
- [expression darkens]
- Willy Wonka: Dad? Papa?
- [first lines]
- Narrator: This is a story of an ordinary little boy named Charlie Bucket. He was not faster, or stronger, or more clever than other children. His family was not rich or powerful or well-connected; in fact, they barely had enough to eat. Charlie Bucket was the luckiest boy in the entire world. He just didn't know it yet.
- Mike Teavee: In the end, I only had to buy one candy bar.
- Denver Reporter: And how did it taste?
- Mike Teavee: I don't know. I hate chocolate.
- Grandpa George: Well, it's a good thing you're going to a chocolate factory, you ungrateful little bu-
- [Mr. Bucket claps his hands over Charlie's ears so he can't hear what's being said]
- Willy Wonka: Why, I believe they're going to treat us to a little song. It is quite a special occasion, of course. They haven't had a fresh audience in many a moon.
- Oompa Loompa: Augustus Gloop / Augustus Gloop / The great big greedy Nincompoop / Augustus Gloop, so big and vile, so greedy foul and infantile / Come on, we cry, the time is ripe to send him shooting up the pipe / But don't, dear children be alarmed, Augustus Gloop will not be harmed, Augustus Gloop will not be harmed / Although of course we must admit, he will be altered quite a bit / Slowly wheels go round and round, and cogs begin to grind and pound / This greedy brute, this louces ear, is loved by people everywhere, for who could hate or bare a grudge against a luscious bit of fudge?
- Dr. Wonka: Heavens. I haven't seen bicuspids like these since... since...
- [long pause]
- Dr. Wonka: Willy?
- Willy Wonka: [confirms his arrival] Hello, Father.
- [long pause]
- Dr. Wonka: All these years and you haven't flossed.
- Willy Wonka: [confirms the whole truth] Not once.
- Welcome Puppets: Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, the amazing chocolatier / Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, everybody give a cheer--hurray! / He's modest, clever, and so smart, he barely can restrain it / With so much generosity, there is no way to contain it, to contain it, to contain... to contain... to contain... hurray! / Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, he's the one that you're about to meet / Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, he's the genius who just can't be beat / The magician and the chocolate whiz / The best darn guy who ever lived / Willy Wonka, here he is!
- Willy Wonka: The waterfall is most important! Mixes the chocolate, churns it up, makes it light and frothy. Oh by the way, no other factory in the world m...
- Veruca Salt: [interrupts] You already said that.
- Willy Wonka: [goes silent, before speaking again] You're all quite sure, aren't you?
- Violet Beauregarde: Well yeah, we're children.
- Willy Wonka: Well that's no excuse. I was never as short as you.
- Mike Teavee: [strongly disagrees] You were once.
- Willy Wonka: Was not! Know why? Because I distinctly remember putting a hat on top of my head. Look at your short little arms. You could never reach.
- Willy Wonka: [while passing a room where Oompa Loompas are shearing pink wool from sheep] I'd rather not talk about this one.
- Veruca Salt: Will Violet always be a blueberry?
- Willy Wonka: No. Maybe. I dunno. But that's what you get from chewing gum all day, it's just disgusting.
- Mike Teavee: If you hate gum so much, why do you make it?
- Willy Wonka: Once again you really shouldn't mumble, 'cause it's kinda starting to bum me out.
- Willy Wonka: How do you feel about little raspberry kites?
- Charlie Bucket: With licorice instead of string!
- Mrs. Bucket: Boys, no business at the dinner table.
- Charlie Bucket: Sorry, Mum.
- Willy Wonka: I think you're onto something though, Charlie.
- Oompa Loompa: Veruca Salt, the little brute / Has just gone down the garbage chute / And she will meet as she descends / A rather different set of friends / A rather different set of friends / A rather different set of friends / A fish head for example cut / This morning from a halibut / An oyster from an oyster stew / A steak that no-one else would chew / And lots of other things as well / Each with its rather horrid smell, horrid smell / These are Veruca's newfound friends / That she will meet as she descends / These are Veruca's newfound friends / Who went and spoiled her / Who indeed? Who pandered to her every need? / Who turned her into such a brat? / Who are the culprits, who did that? / The guilty ones - now this is sad / Are dear old mum and loving dad.
- Augustus Gloop: [offering the Wonka bar he had been munching on to Charlie] Would you like some chocolate?
- Charlie Bucket: Sure!
- Augustus Gloop: [yanking the candy bar away] Then you should have brought some.
- [Mike Teavee is taken away and Wonka moves towards the Great Glass Elevator with Charlie and Grandpa Joe]
- Willy Wonka: Now, how many children are left?
- Grandpa Joe: Mr. Wonka, Charlie's the only one left, now.
- Willy Wonka: [looks at Charlie] You mean, you're the only one?
- Charlie Bucket: Yes.
- Willy Wonka: What happened to the others? Oh, my dear boy! That means you've won!
- Willy Wonka: But lucky for us, we have the Great Glass Elevator to speed things alo...
- [runs into elevator and falls]
- Willy Wonka: [getting up] Speed things along.
- Willy Wonka: [coming upon a tiny door] An important room, this. After all, it is a chocolate factory.
- Mike Teavee: Then, why is the door so small?
- Willy Wonka: That's to keep all the great big chocolatey flavor inside.
- Charlie Bucket: [During the chocolate river ride, the group passes a door, where a window allows them to see Oompa-Loompas whipping a cow with paddles] Whipped cream.
- Willy Wonka: Precisely!
- Veruca Salt: That doesn't make sense.
- Willy Wonka: For your information, little girl, whipped cream isn't whipped cream at all unless it's been whipped with whips. Everybody knows that.
