John Goodman credited as playing...
Uncle Sweetheart
- Uncle Sweetheart: Who's talking to you?
- Bobby Cupid: Common sense! The voices in my head. I mean screw this so-called concert, Jack. Let's disappear for a while, let's go to the South Seas, let's go where Gauguin went and just...
- Uncle Sweetheart: [grabs Bobby] I don't know which one of these voice is coming out of your head, but tell it to shut the fuck up! And Gauguin was a stockbroker.
- Uncle Sweetheart: You got any idea what this song is about?
- Bobby Cupid: Yeah, it's about trying to get to heaven. You got to know the route before you start out.
- Uncle Sweetheart: No, it's not about that at all. What strikes you about the song is the 'Jekyll and Hyde' quality. The song is written from Hyde's point of. view. That's what you like. It's about doing evil and trying to kill your conscience - if you can. It's not like those other songs of his. The ones about faithless women and booze and brothels and the cruelty of society. It's not like those. This one's right up your alley. It's about doing good by manipulatin' the forces of evil. It's just like you.
- Uncle Sweetheart: They want you to sing that song "Revolution". You know, that Beatles song. The slow version - the in-and-out one.
- Jack Fate: "Revolution." What else do they want me to play?
- Uncle Sweetheart: I got the playlist right here. Let's see, where's my glasses? Okay, here we go: "Revolution", "Street Fightin' Man", "Won' t Get Fooled Again", "Cellblock #9", "Ohio", "Eve of Destruction", "Kick out the Jams." You can do all those.
- Jack Fate: I don't know, Sweetheart. Sounds like a lot of songs.
- Uncle Sweetheart: Okay listen, Uncle Sweetheart is organizing a benefit concert. A benefit concert - to help the real victims of the revolution. However, I will be personally siphoning the majority of the funds into the kitty of the fattest cat of all. Me! And you gentlemen will be paid in full.
- Percy: When?
- Uncle Sweetheart: Definitely in this lifetime.
- Blunt: Look, you got the money or not?
- Uncle Sweetheart: Oh, it's the dark princes, the democratic republicans. Working for a barbarian who can scarcely spell his own name. Hey, the only thing more pleasant than seeing you would be seeing the grim reaper himself. You gentlemen are about to make a hideous choice. You two are pitiable figures weeping with blood, and it' s gonna be your blood. Are you aware gentlemen, that this is all a play?
- Uncle Sweetheart: He's virtually free. Who else can you say that about?
- Nina Veronica: Virtually free? No one is virtually free. You're either free or you're *not* free. You know, if he's gonna play this concert, then he's gonna play exactly what we tell him.
- Nina Veronica: So, now tell me, are we screwed or are we not screwed?
- Uncle Sweetheart: I'm not. Are you? I don't think you are getting screwed, that's your problem.
- Nina Veronica: Yeah, yeah. I can't believe you're gonna to turn this disaster into a seduction.
- Nina Veronica: So, where's my headliner? Huh? I just got off the phone with the network. They want something to promote. They *need* something to promote. They have some questions about your ability to perform services due.
- Uncle Sweetheart: And I suppose you told 'em I was a total showbiz stud, that you have total mystical knowledge and faith in me and absolutely no question about my ability to perform services due.
- Nina Veronica: Yeah, yeah, something like that.
- Nina Veronica: Nobody knows who Jack Fate is anymore. Nobody cares. I mean, he doesn't make records. He doesn't go on tour. He doesn't do interviews. He doesn't do anything!
- Uncle Sweetheart: He doesn't have to! He's a legend. Does Jesus have to walk on water twice to make a point?
- Uncle Sweetheart: It's a bitched up world, Jack. The only way we can protect ourselves is by going mad.
- Uncle Sweetheart: Here's the thing, I don't think that Sting or Springsteen or Billy Joel or McCartney is gonna work out. But, but, but, I have a surprise for you.
- Uncle Sweetheart: This is gonna be a patriotic rhapsody, Jack. Here's the deal. You'll be working for the people. The peasants. The children. Imagine yourself being reincarnated in the civil war in Babylon.
- Jack Fate: Civil war in Babylon?
- Uncle Sweetheart: Come on son, snap out of it! You gotta stand up on your tiptoes to see the future.
- Uncle Sweetheart: Hey, you're all skin and bones.
- Jack Fate: Aren't we all. Anyway, I don't have to throw my weight around. Look at you. You must have put on a few pounds.
- Uncle Sweetheart: Eatin' from the tree of knowledge of good and evil.
- Uncle Sweetheart: Let me show you this place. I own a piece of it.
- Jack Fate: Which piece?
- Uncle Sweetheart: It changes every day.
- Nina Veronica: He' s not here.
- Uncle Sweetheart: How do you know?
- Nina Veronica: I say I don't see him.
- Uncle Sweetheart: How do you know he's not like Claude Raines in that movie "The Invisible Man".
- Nina Veronica: Who? If he doesn't show up, you'd better get invisible.
- Uncle Sweetheart: Nobody could be like you, and a great many have tried. I just know this is gonna come off.
- Jack Fate: I need some boys who can play.
- Uncle Sweetheart: I got some musicians right here. Feast your eyes on: Simple Twist Of Fate. The best and only Jack Fate cover band in the world.
