Louis Theroux credited as playing...
Self - Presenter
- Louis Theroux: You're unusual in many respects... you're an outspoken, prominent politician, but you're also a single woman of a certain age who's expressed, um, you've said that you don't think you'll ever get married, you've said you're a virgin...
- Ann Widdecombe: Uh, no, I haven't, people ask impertinent questions and they make their own deducations but I always tell people to mind their own business.
- Louis Theroux: Do you? I read a quote last night that said "If anyone says I'm not a virgin, I'll sue them."
- Ann Widdecombe: As I've said, and I'm not going to go any further than I've just gone, I don't regard it as anybody else's business.
- Louis Theroux: Hmm. Well, I'll winkle away at that one.
- Ann Widdecombe: Well, I was actually told you would not, when we had the discussion.
- Louis Theroux: By Kate?
- Ann Widdecombe: Yes.
- Louis Theroux: Don't believe anything she says.
- Ann Widdecombe: Well, I said that I wouldn't agree to the documentary it was going to be along those sorts of lines because...
- Louis Theroux: OK - no, no I'll keep it...
- Ann Widdecombe: Bluntly, I regard it as an impertinence.
- Louis Theroux: [admiring Ann's cat] You have an internet site where you've written a poem about your cats?
- Ann Widdecombe: I have indeed - 'Goodness gracious, what is that? It's Mr. Pugwash my black cat. Goodness gracious, are there others? Yes indeed, my cat Carruthers'.
- Louis Theroux: [At Ann's house in London] Have we got time for a very quick tour, then?
- Ann Widdecombe: Um... well it depends what you want to tour. I don't let anybody go upstairs.
- Louis Theroux: Why not?
- Ann Widdecombe: Because I never do. I always say downstairs is where I invite people, it's where I invite all my friends, upstairs is where my mother and I live.
- Louis Theroux: [voiceover] Ann was at the hairdresser's. Having said she would never get a makeover, Ann was about to go for a completely new look.
- Louis Theroux: Who calls the shots, basiscally?
- Nicky: Ann does.
- Ann Widdecombe: The customer says what the customer wants.
- Louis Theroux: Because you have come into some criticism for your hair?
- Ann Widdecombe: Have I now?
- Louis Theroux: Yes.
- Ann Widdecombe: There you go Nicky, he's being rude about your...
- Louis Theroux: Nicky, is that being rude? Am I being rude to you by saying that?
- Ann Widdecombe: Yes - Say yes, Nicky, say yes.
- Nicky: Yes, you are, I suppose.
- Ann Widdecombe: Well done. Well done.
- Louis Theroux: [Louis is slightly hungover from a friend's wedding the night before] Ooo, I think my headache's starting to lift. What a relief.
- Ann Widdecombe: What sort of a wedding was it?
- Louis Theroux: Well it was a normal wedding, I don't know. I thought I did quite well only having the one bottle of wine.
- Ann Widdecombe: Did you have the awful tradition of a disco afterwards?
- Louis Theroux: Yeah. Oh, it was nice.
- Ann Widdecombe: I hate that.
- Louis Theroux: Why?
- Ann Widdecombe: Uh... I prefer the wedding where you have the service, you have the reception and then the couple go away.
- Louis Theroux: You've explained how you like it, you didn't explain why you don't like the disco?
- Ann Widdecombe: I don't think I have to have why's behind everything and deep reasons as though it's a piece of philosophy. It happens to be a like or a dislike. I don't think I have to explain why I like potato.
- Louis Theroux: So you don't know why?
- Ann Widdecombe: Or why I don't like liver. Stop turning everything into a confrontation, Louis Theroux.
- Louis Theroux: Maybe if it were different music? Slightly more formal music, would that help? Sort of waltzes?
- Ann Widdecombe: No. No, that wouldn't help at all, that's not the issue.
- [At Ann Widdecombe's office in the Houses of Parliament, Louis meets her secretary Gloria, who used manage rock stars like Debbie Harry, the Ramones and the B-52s]
- Louis Theroux: Of the rock stars that you've handled, is there any of those that Ann most closely resembles?
- [Ann laughs out loud]
- Ann Widdecombe: I'm going to say at this point I'm going to take them into my room, come on folks.
- Louis Theroux: You're not as tall as I was expecting.
- Ann Widdecombe: Five foot one and a half, and don't forget the half.
- Louis Theroux: [looking at a photograph on the wall of Ann's constituency home] Now here's the younger Ann Widdecombe meeting Mrs Thatcher, is it? What was the occasion?
- Ann Widdecombe: It was Women and Families for Defence, which was a group set up to counter the Greenham Common women.
- Louis Theroux: You were pro-nuclear weapons.
- Ann Widdecombe: Very much so.
- Louis Theroux: [Ann is showing Louis the garden of her constituency home] Can I prevail on you to let us see the bathroom or the bedroom?
- Ann Widdecombe: No.
- Louis Theroux: That - I mean, can I press that point?
- Ann Widdecombe: Uh, you can press it but the answer will be the same.
- Louis Theroux: Will it?
- Ann Widdecombe: Yeah. No, I don't, I don't open up private areas of the house to the cameras.
- Louis Theroux: OK, I'm pressing it.
- Ann Widdecombe: No.
- Louis Theroux: I'm continuing to press.
- Ann Widdecombe: You can press away but you won't get any different answer.
- Louis Theroux: I would really like to see your bedroom.
- Ann Widdecombe: No, I won't let anybody in my bedroom, certainly not a television camera. Come on, stop arguing, you're not going to get me to change my mind.
- Louis Theroux: The bathroom?
- Ann Widdecombe: No!
- [scoffs]
- Ann Widdecombe: What do you want to photograph the bathroom for, honestly?
- [they head round the side of Ann's house]
- Ann Widdecombe: Right, OK, now as we go past here, I know it's a bungalow, but you will keep your cameras away.
- Louis Theroux: From the bungalow?
- Ann Widdecombe: No. From any rooms which I've specified that you can't go in.
- Louis Theroux: Oh, OK.
- [they walk along the side of the house, Ann stands in front of a window and waves the camera crew past]
- Louis Theroux: I sense it's a point of principle with you, that there's nothing in particular that you're worried that we should see...
- Ann Widdecombe: No, nothing at all.
- Louis Theroux: I glanced to the left.
- Ann Widdecombe: That I don't mind because anybody walking past could do that.
- Louis Theroux: It looked quite normal.
- Ann Widdecombe: It's perfectly normal, I just don't want you filming in there, that's all.
- Louis Theroux: [In Ann's garden] Nice to be on a little hillside.
- Ann Widdecombe: Yes... there is the famous Sutton Valence view which you can't get from here. But I find this quite pleasant.
- Louis Theroux: And we're in Sutton Valence, aren't we?
- Ann Widdecombe: Oh yes, we are. We're right in the middle of it.
- Louis Theroux: Is it known for being a particularly picturesque little village?
- Ann Widdecombe: Well, I think it's pictures-queue
- Louis Theroux: You said what?
- Ann Widdecombe: I said I think it's pictures-queue. Picturesque.
- [Louis looks at her, smirking]
- Ann Widdecombe: Anti-queue, pictures-queue.
- [Louis isn't acknowledging her little joke]
- Ann Widdecombe: Oh, dear me...
- [she sighs and laughs]
- Louis Theroux: You called me wet! That is a bit wet, isn't it?
- Ann Widdecombe: If you say so. I don't mind. Don't mind being a bit wet.
- Louis Theroux: [after Ann talks to a man at the Kent County Agricultural Show] He had a local accent I think, did he?
- Ann Widdecombe: He's Maidstone, yes.
- Louis Theroux: Perhaps it was just a speech impediment.
- Ann Widdecombe: Don't you be so rude about the Kentish accent!
- Louis Theroux: Did you think about getting, sort of, a makeover?
- Ann Widdecombe: No, I did not, Louis.
- Louis Theroux: You seem to regard that as a ludicrous question.
- Ann Widdecombe: I do.
- Louis Theroux: Why?
- Ann Widdecombe: Why should I?
- Louis Theroux: Well, because... politics is about image, isn't it? About communication?
- Ann Widdecombe: No. No, it's about substance, it's about what you believe and it's about what you think should be done. That's what it's all about. That's exactly what it's all about.
- Louis Theroux: But it's not in the modern world though, is it?
- Ann Widdecombe: Well, tough.
- Louis Theroux: [discussing the party leadership election] I honestly felt like I sensed her kind of being marginalised in the last couple of days and then now today I feel that she's back in the middle, she's back in the throng.
- Gloria - Ann's Secretary: It's rock and roll, it's battlefield conditions, same thing.
- Louis Theroux: And what about Portillo? I quite like him.
- Gloria - Ann's Secretary: Well, he's very charismatic.
- Louis Theroux: He's got big blubbery lips.
- Gloria - Ann's Secretary: Like Mike Jagger.
- [she laughs]
- Louis Theroux: Do you know what I mean?
- Gloria - Ann's Secretary: Yeah, I do know, he's very charismatic.
- Louis Theroux: He's sort of sexy, I think. Don't you think?
- Gloria - Ann's Secretary: Don't even go there. Don't even go there!
- [Louis is visiting Ann and her mother Rita on a Norwegian cruise ship, they're in the living room area of their cabin]
- Rita Widdecombe: [heading towards the bedroom] Shall I show you our cabin?
- Louis Theroux: Is that all right with Ann?
- Rita Widdecombe: Doesn't matter about Ann.
- [Louis laughs]
- Ann Widdecombe: Yeah - No, no, no, no. No, I don't let them ever see the bedroom. They're forbidden in both houses and here.
- [Rita looks confused]
- Louis Theroux: Surely the mother has the right to overrule the daughter?
- Ann Widdecombe: No, you're far too inquisitive, Louis Theroux. Now, you stay there while I find the spectacles.
- Rita Widdecombe: Am I allowed to go in the cabin?
- [Louis and Ann's friend laugh]
- Louis Theroux: You're so busy and hard working I wonder if one of the reasons you never started a family is because you had so many ambitions.
- Ann Widdecombe: Well, I've always said Mr Right didn't come along and it was never a priority to go out looking for him, so it just didn't happen.
- Louis Theroux: Do you think it's too late?
- Ann Widdecombe: [sighing and laughing] Oh, Louis... Honestly! You are hilarious.
- Louis Theroux: What? What's happened?
- Ann Widdecombe: What's too late?
- Louis Theroux: To meet Mr Right?
- Ann Widdecombe: I'm 53!
- Louis Theroux: People get married at 80.
- Ann Widdecombe: But I'm not going to.
- Louis Theroux: People are generally, I mean, people are curious, aren't they?
- Ann Widdecombe: Are they? I don't know.
- [Louis is saying goodbye to Ann and leaving her house in a taxi]
- Louis Theroux: Do you know who that is? Ann Widdecombe.
- Taxi Driver: Who's Ann Widdecombe?
