Aloma Wright credited as playing...
Nurse Roberts • Nurse Shirley • Nurse Laverne Roberts
- J.D.: Shut up, shut up, shut up and shut up, okay? Who are you people to give me advice about anything? All you do is bitch about your relationships all day long.
- [to Dr. Cox]
- J.D.: And you know what glare all you want Big Dog, okay, because I'm not afraid of you. 'Oh no, Jordan's only paying attention to the baby. That must be so hard for Dr. Look-At-Me, isn't it? LOOK-AT-MEEEE.
- [to Carla and Turk]
- J.D.: And you two, you're arguing ever since you got engaged, wow you're probably the first couple that's ever done that EVER. It can't be that you're just scared is it?
- [to Elliot]
- J.D.: And you, you know what, let's just forget for one second that a month ago you told me you couldn't be in a relationship with anyone, because for me, it's actually fun to watch you sabotage a relationship from the outside, it really is. Honestly, the only thing that gives me comfort you guys is while I'm sitting at home staring at the ceiling just wishing that I had someone to talk to, is knowing that none of you idiots realize how lucky you are.
- [JD storms out of the cafeteria, passing Nurse Roberts]
- Nurse Roberts: Did I miss something good?
- Chris Turk: [to Carla] Baby. You've always known about my sleep toots. Hell, you used to imitate the sound they made, remember?
- Nurse Roberts: I make Mr. Roberts wear special air-tight boxer shorts.
- Chris Turk: Laverne, I wrote the guest list for this conversation, and just in case, if you're wondering, you're not on it!
- [to J.D. and Elliot]
- Dr. Cox: Ah, damn. I missed the annual sleep-over, didn't I? That wonderful time of the year when you two crazy kids throw all caution to the wind and make sweet, ellbowy love to each other. Don't you be shy. You can tell Uncle Coxy about the naughtay.
- Elliot: Dr. Cox, I lost my apartment and I was just needing a place to stay...
- Dr. Cox: ...so you went over to your friend's house and cried on his shoulder - boo-hoo-wah - and you of course comforted her because she was weak and vulnerable and blah, blah, blah, nerdy sex, the end. Dear lord, Laverne, how in God's name do you listen to this crap all day long?
- Nurse Roberts: Are you kidding? If he turns out to be her brother, this is better than my stories.
- Dr. Cox: They hate you Bob. They hate from the bottom of your hooves to the top of your pitchfork. They hate you. By God, they hate you good.
- Dr. Kelso: [threateningly, to Nurse Roberts, who is chuckling] What is so funny?
- Nurse Roberts: Oh just the hooves and pitchfork part.
- [much more threateningly]
- Nurse Roberts: Why?
- Dr. Kelso: [Frightened] Uh, no reason.
- Elliot: Laverne, did you ever notice that in hospitals, even though you're surrounded by like hundreds of people, it's still so easy to get lost in your own thoughts?
- Nurse Roberts: Have you been drinkin'?
- [J.D. is trying to break up with Danni over the phone while Carla enters]
- Carla: [to Nurse Roberts] How's he doing?
- Nurse Roberts: The boy's got no biscuits.
- Todd: Ladies, now that the Todd is a resident here he wants to make things clear so you don't have to wonder any more.
- [points at each of the women]
- Todd: Yes, yes, no, yes, no, and... yes, if I've been drinkin'.
- Nurse Roberts: Come here, wonder bread.
- Todd: What's up, doll?
- Nurse Roberts: If you come this close again I will end you.
- Todd: I'm changing you to a yes because you're feisty.
- Nurse Roberts: Why don't you try some of my world famous deviled eggs?
- Dr. Cox: No thanks, I already had diarrhea today.
