Mark Linn-Baker credited as playing...
- [Re: Max's health]
- Val: God forgive me for saying this word: Nervous breakdown!
- Milt: That's two words. God will never forgive you!
- Val: If you're a Jew, you end up in the desert no matter what.
- Val: Max has been very paranoid lately. Has anyone noticed?
- Brian: Isn't it impolite to watch someone being paranoid?
- [With a thick Russian accent]
- Val: Go feck yourself.
- Milt: There's no such word as feck. A person cannot go feck themselves. You cannot be an American citizen until you learn to say "Go fuck yourself."
- Val: Kiss my Naturalization papers.
- Val: My dog dreams funnier than you.
- Milt: My dog can say, "Fucking pumpernickel."
- Carol: Since when has anyone here noticed I'm a woman?
- Val: I noticed it when you first came to work here. You never used the men's john.
- Brian: The game is funny names.
- Ira: You against me? Where's the challenge? You can have all the other writers.
- Carol: Why do I want children? Look what they become.
- Val: All right. Let's get this over with. What's the bet?
- Writers: Shoes! We're playing for shoes. They take off their shoes My seventy dollar aligators against his worn out Irish cop shoes after 5 St. Patrick's Day parades.
- Val: Brian: Up the Irish Crosses Himself Ira: Screw the Pharoah Val:Aaaaaand... Go!
- Brian: Rabbi John Wayne.
- Writers: Eh.
- Ira: The Count of Monte through Friday.
- Writers: Oooh!
- Brian: Ira Chuvney.
- Ira: Ira Chuvney. That's my name. What's funny about that.
- Brian: Nothing. NOTHING IS FUNNY ABOUT IRA CHUVNEY!
- Writers: Applaud
- [About Max]
- Brian: He called me last night. Said something about we're going to war again.
- Val: With the Japanese?
- Brian: I don't know, depends on how Japanese NBC is.
- Val: You think it's funny that Max called me at 12 AM midnight?
- Milt: Only when you say it.
