Jason Segel credited as playing...
Sam Schechter
- Sam: Why don't you watch where you're going, you skanky-ass bi-atch.
- Girl at Trendy Club: [slaps Sam] Cocksucker.
- Sam: Slut.
- Girl at Trendy Club: Buttwipe.
- Sam: Hoe.
- Girl at Trendy Club: Monkey boy.
- [Sam flexes his pecs]
- Girl at Trendy Club: OH!
- Sam: You know what, boys? Why don't you just let me take care of it. You treat a hot girl like dirt, and she'll stick to you like mud.
- Sam: I have something to say to you... and I think that it's important that I say it out of the cage.
- Sam: Professor Markoe! Thank God you're here! I was hit by a truck today.
- Professor Markoe: Well, you alright?
- Head T.A. Philip, Bruna, the Office Manager: He was hit by a truck!
