Name: The Ranch Hand
Genre: Romance
Rating: 3
Cast: Sue Peters, Jeff Roberts, Ann Biggs

All-sex softcore style; Diane Clark & Marsha Jordan shine

Apparently (judging from identical credits cards) made by the same anonymous team who did AGENT 69, THE RANCH HAND is cheap, all-sex porn. Except for the presence of the luscious Diane Clark and Marsha Jordan it would be unwatchable.

Title sounds like a gay movie moniker (hey, Rawhide is the venerable gay bar located 1/2 block from where I live in Chelsea), but is misleading in another way here, since this porn has nothing to do with the West. The hero Will Crane is a writer of stroke books, whose girl friend Sue (Diane Clark) gets fed up with him, especially when he ends an overlong simulated-sex scene with her in bed by announcing his decision to head to Miss Lydia's ranch to work as a hand.

Miss Lydia is played by Marsha Jordan, wearing vaguely Western garb. There's a few seconds of stock footage outdoors of horses and cowboys on a ranch, but the rest of the film is on a couple of cheap interior sex sets.

Miss Lydia has a lesbian scene with a beautiful brunette who has large, dark nipples (more about her later). Back in the apartment, Sue pays the rent as usual in trade by going to bed with her young, bespectacled landlord. Meanwhile back at the ranch, Will's welcoming wagon consists of two attractive women servicing him. Final of the movie's five sex scenes is Miss Lydia inviting Will to live in the main house, and she services him.

As befits a nearly all-sex format, the dollops of plot are shoehorned into a hectic and unconvincing finale: Sue pretends to be "Will Crane" (claiming it as her pen name) to steal the $5,000 check for novel-writing presented by Will's publisher. When Will returns home he finds a Dear John letter from Sue, and that's all she wrote.

This nonsense was made as cheaply as possible, with each lengthy sex scene shot in continuous take, no editing fashion -very boring. Peters and Marsha are virtually the whole show, especially since the anonymous actor as Will looks more like a mustachioed Village People guy than a ranch hand (or writer for that matter). Imagine Tom Savini as lead in a sex film, or better yet, don't.

The romance genre features the theme of romantic relationships and emotional connections between characters. These stories focus on the development of love, desire, and intimacy between protagonists, often exploring the challenges, conflicts, and triumphs that arise in their relationships.

Ingrid Bergman and Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca (1942)

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The Ranch Hand

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