Name: Head Waitress
Genre: Adult
Rating: 3.6
Cast: Beverly Bliss, Crystal Breeze, Mauvais De Noir

Another disposable '80s Leon Gucci outing

Generally known for his slap-dash filmmaking, XXX mainstay Leonard Kirtman's signature style of '70s 16mm storefront trash like THE MILLIONAIRESS mellowed out somewhat in the '80s, transitioning to attempted high-gloss 35mm fare. Still, despite attempting to elevate his image by aping the name of one of the best-known luxury consumer brands, the director's '80s output, under the new moniker "Leon Gucci," simply cemented his status as a pretender. Even one of the more competent (if, ironically, obscure) Gucci outings like HEAD WAITRESS reveals that the name hides an imposter.

Emblematic of the laziest porn, WAITRESS is more set-up than full-fledged narrative: growing sick of their lecherous boss at a cheap-o diner and discovering the building's lease-holder is willing to sell for $50K, a group of waitresses decides to raise the funds themselves and seize the means of production. How to go about drumming up the dough? Revise the menu to feature sexual favors, of course!

Even by the standards of the "raise money for some dumb reason" genre of porn, probably made most famous by household name DEBBIE DOES DALLAS, WAITRESS is pretty slapdash. Offering a menu of shockingly reasonable services (a blowjob is only $9.95!), the girls nevertheless also see fit to charge a cool grand for a double penetration - a sum it's hard to imagine any patron coughing up in 1984 (or now)! Another bizarre scene finds handsome mulleted stud Nick Niter inviting one of the girls back to his place for a $10K private catering session with him and his wife - sure he's a business mogul (or something), but is it really worth *that* much?

Granted, a stupid setup is nothing new for the adult genre, but the critical failing here, as with most Kirtman efforts, is the sex. Everyone just seems to be going through the motions, and the disinterest bleeds off the screen - this is one of the most ho-hum "erotic" films I've seen in a while. It's too bad, since the cast is largely attractive (composed mostly of lesser-knowns, though featuring a few reliable '80s B-listers like Niter, Crystal Breeze, Karen Summer, and gallic stud Francois Papillon) and the simple but effective premise would seem hard to screw up. Still, even while just barely managing to deliver, "Leon" does so with a minimum of aplomb, producing a tepid dish that's akin to the worst from a greasy spoon - warmed over, sloppy, and churned out without an ounce of enthusiasm.

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