Joanna Lumley credited as playing...
Maudeline Everglot
- Victoria Everglot: Hildegard, what if Victor and I don't like each other?
- Maudeline Everglot: Hmpf! As if that has anything to do with marriage. Do you suppose your father and I "like" each other?
- Victoria Everglot: Surely you must, a little.
- Maudeline Everglot, Finnis Everglot: Of course not!
- Finnis Everglot: [as corpses run amuck] If my grandfather Everglot could see this, he'd be turning in his grave.
- Grandfather Everglot: Finis.
- [next to a portrait of himself in life]
- Grandfather Everglot: Where do you keep the spirits?
- [shakes wine glass]
- Finnis Everglot, Maudeline: AAAAAAAHHHH!
- Maudeline Everglot: [to Victoria] Get those corsets laced properly! I can hear you speak without gasping.
- [Victor has snuck away from the Corpse Bride to find Victoria and listens to the arguing Everglots]
- Finnis Everglot: If ever I see that Van Dort boy, I'll strangle him with my bare hands!
- Maudeline Everglot: Your hands are too fat, and his neck is too thin. You'll have to use a rope.
- Maudeline Everglot: [singing] It's a terrible day.
- Finnis Everglot: Now, don't be that way.
- Maudeline Everglot: It's a terrible day for a wedding.
- Finnis Everglot: It's a sad, sad state of affairs we're in.
- Maudeline Everglot: That has led to this ominous wedding.
- Finnis Everglot: How could our family have come to this?
- Maudeline Everglot, Finnis Everglot: To marry off our daughter to the nouveau riches?
- Maudeline Everglot: They're so common.
- Finnis Everglot: So coarse.
- Maudeline Everglot: Oh it couldn't be worse!
- Finnis Everglot: Couldn't be worse? I'm afraid I disagree. They could be land-rich bankrupt aristocracy without a penny to their name. Just like you and me.
- Maudeline Everglot: [speaking] Oh, dear!
- Maudeline Everglot, Finnis Everglot: [singing] And that's why everything, every last little thing, every single tiny microscopic little thing must go...
- Maudeline Everglot: According to plan!
- Finnis Everglot: Our daughter will wed.
- Maudeline Everglot: According to plan!
- Finnis Everglot: And our family led...
- Maudeline Everglot, Finnis Everglot: From the depths of deepest poverty...
- Maudeline Everglot: To the noble realm...
- Finnis Everglot: Of our ancestry.
- Maudeline Everglot, Finnis Everglot: And who would've guessed in a million years, that our daughter with the face...
- Finnis Everglot: Of an otter in disgrace...
- Maudeline Everglot, Finnis Everglot: Would provide our tickets to our rightful place?
- Maudeline Everglot: [speaking] Marriage is a partnership, a little tit for tat; you'd think a lifetime watching us
- [singing]
- Maudeline Everglot: might have taught her that, might have taught her that.
- Finnis Everglot: Everything must be perfect.
- Maudeline Everglot: Everything must be perfect.
- Maudeline Everglot, Finnis Everglot: Everything must be perfect, perfect!
- Maudeline Everglot, Finnis Everglot, Nell Van Dort, William Van Dort: That's why everything/every last everything/every single tiny microscopic little thing must go... According to plan!
- Maudeline Everglot: Take her to her room!
- Victoria Everglot: No, I'm telling the truth. Victor needs my help.
- Maudeline Everglot: Ah, Lord Barkin. I trust the room is to your liking.
- Barkis Bittern: Thank you. You are a most gracious hostess, which is what pains me to be the bearer of such bad news.
- Finnis Everglot: We shall continue as planned, with or without Vincent.
- Maudeline Everglot: Victor.
- Finnis Everglot: Whatever.
- Maudeline Everglot: What impropriety is this? You shouldn't be *alone* together! Here it is, one minute before five, and you're not at the rehearsal. Pastor Galswells is waiting. Come at once.
- Pastor Galswells: Dropping the ring!
- Maudeline Everglot: Oh, no, he's dropped the ring!
- Pastor Galswells: This boy doesn't *want* to get married!
- Maudeline Everglot: [to Finnis] Smile, darling, smile.
- Finnis Everglot: [barely manages an extremely forced smile] Well, hello. What a pleasure. Welcome to our home.
- Nell Van Dort: Oh, thank you.
- Maudeline Everglot: We'll be taking tea in the west drawing room. Oh, do come this way. It's just through there.
- Victor Van Dort: I want very much to.
- Pastor Galswells: Pay attention! Have you even remembered to bring the ring?
- Victor Van Dort: The ring. Yes, of course.
- [Victor drops the ring]
- Pastor Galswells: Dropping the ring. This boy doesn't want to get married.
- Maudeline Everglot: How disgraceful!
- Victor Van Dort: Excuse me. Got it!
