I'm hesitant about putting any film straight into pole position on my 'worst ever' list: I've seen a lot of execrable garbage in my time and it's hard to recall all of it. Let's just say that I'm confident that 'Beg!' would comfortably make it into my top three of terrible films, and would be a very strong contender for the title of Ultimate Crapfest.

I rather stupidly bought Beg! knowing nothing about the plot; having watched it over the course of three very painful evenings, I'm none the wiser, the story being an utterly incomprehensible mess. In fact, I'm seriously impressed that others here have even attempted to try and summarise the film, because I was totally lost from unfathomable start to completely confusing finish.

That a movie this bad even exists is hard for me to accept; that it hails from the UK makes me want to weep. Director Robert Golden clearly draws his inspiration from the weird and wonderful world of Jeunet and Caro, the dark horror of Argento, and even the gory absurdity of early Peter Jackson, but fails in every way to replicate their sense of style. Golden's interpretation is a gaudy, grimy concoction of ugly characters, awkward camera angles, art-house pretensions, terrible dialogue, and slapdash editing that is painful to behold.

Usually I try to find something positive to say about even the worst examples of cinema, but on this occasion I cannot; everyone involved should be deeply ashamed of the abomination they have helped to create and Beg! for forgiveness.

The dark comedy subgenre, also known as black comedy, combines humor with elements of tragedy, morbidity, or darker themes. Dark comedies often explore serious or taboo subjects, such as death, crime, dysfunction, and societal issues, while infusing these topics with humor to create an unusual and often thought-provoking contrast. The humor in dark comedies is typically edgy, satirical, and often unsettling, challenging traditional comedic norms.

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The comedy genre refers to a category of entertainment that aims to amuse and entertain audiences by using humor, wit, and comedic situations. Comedies are created with the primary intention of eliciting laughter and providing lighthearted enjoyment. They encompass a wide range of styles, tones, and themes, appealing to various tastes and audiences.

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The crime genre features criminal activities, investigations, law enforcement, crimes, and the pursuit of justice. Crime stories often revolve around the planning, execution, and consequences of criminal acts, as well as the efforts to solve and prevent such acts. They explore various aspects of criminal behavior, motives, and the moral dilemmas faced by both perpetrators and those seeking to uphold the law.

James Gandolfini, Edie Falco, Sharon Angela, Max Casella, Dan Grimaldi, Joe Perrino, Donna Pescow, Jamie Lynn Sigler, Tony Sirico, and Michael Drayer in The Sopranos (1999)

The horror genre features stories that aim to elicit fear, suspense, and a sense of dread in its audience. Horror stories often explore themes related to the unknown, the supernatural, and the macabre, and they frequently evoke strong emotional reactions such as anxiety, terror, and unease.

The mystery genre features the investigation and solving of a puzzle, typically a crime or an enigmatic event. Mysteries are known for their suspenseful narratives, intricate plots, and the challenge they present to readers or viewers to piece together clues and solve the central mystery alongside the characters.

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A power struggle occurs at a hospital where a murder has been committed.

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Beg!

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