Jim Varney credited as playing...
Ernest P. Worrell
- Ernest P. Worrell: Nuh uh, ain't no trees in Botswana, nuh uh, I know, I AM a Botswanian lumberjack, and I ain't never had a job...
- Trantor the Troll: You will die for the disgrace of your forefathers!
- Ernest P. Worrell: I didn't have four fathers! I only had one father and I didn't know him that well!
- Ernest P. Worrell: How about a little Miak!
- Trantor the Troll: Miak?
- Ernest P. Worrell: Yeah, Miak. I bet you thought I couldn't find any at this time of the year, well a little resourceful for ya, a little to light on my feet. Eat Miak and die!
- Kenny: Ernest I got it! What we need is a tree house!
- Ernest P. Worrell: I thought we needed dress shields.
- [When seeing Trantor the Troll for the first time]
- Ernest P. Worrell: Oh, I sure hope you're from Keebler!
- [while driving to the treehouse with a now wooden Rimshot]
- Ernest P. Worrell: What good is a wooden dog? Oh, sure they swim better, but what am I gonna call him, Splinter?
- Ernest P. Worrell: [to the troll] You'd better stay away. I know jujitsu, kung fu, karate, tai chi, and I saw "Hulkamania" three times. Once in slow-mo.
- Ernest P. Worrell: [Rimshot's been turned to wood] Rimshot! Oh my God.
- Kenny: Don't worry, Ernest, we'll figure out some way to beat this.
- Ernest P. Worrell: I'll tell you how we beat this thing, I'll tell you how we beat it. My great great granddaddy put him in that tree and so can I. Somebody with a runny nose is going to die.
- Ernest P. Worrell: [after running over the troll and not finding him] He must be a greasy spot in the road.
- Ernest P. Worrell: [as a doll he picked up as the garbage truck is closing on him] No no don't stick my head in those gears!
- [to the doll]
- Ernest P. Worrell: But it's me or you
- [as the doll]
- Ernest P. Worrell: But I have a family at the doll factory!
- [Hesitates]
- Ernest P. Worrell: I'll send them a nice card
- [sticks the doll's head in the gears]
- Ernest P. Worrell: [as the doll] You'll never get away with this Ernest I know where you live.
- Ernest P. Worrell: [being attacked by the troll] Help, help! May day! May day! Christmas Day! Colombus Day!
- [Ernest finally puts it together that mother's care is not milk, but unconditional love. He raises his arms towards Trantor and has a big goofy grin on his face]
- Ernest P. Worrell: Come on, little fella!
- [Trantor jumps into Ernest's arms and they begins waltzing together. The townspeople are stunned in disbelief. Ernest and Trantor finish spinning in their dance and Ernest kisses Trantor who promptly explodes, to Ernest and the townspeople's disgust]
- Ernest P. Worrell: [about the troll] He looked like a big giant Mr. Potato Head. Except he was shaped more like a watermelon.
- Ernest P. Worrell: Pretty soon the kids won't have to worry about eating their Brussel sprouts because the Brussel sprouts will be eating them.
- Ernest P. Worrell: [to Rimshot] We have nothing to fear but fear itself, plus the known fact that Old Lady Hackmore will turn us into a couple of drooling, red eyed zombies if she catches us here.
- [knocks on the door]
- Ernest P. Worrell: Well, nobody home, I guess they're out robbing graves or biting the heads off chickens or whatever's in Voodoo Vogue.
