Joe Pesci credited as playing...
Tommy DeVito
- Henry Hill: You're a pistol, you're really funny. You're really funny.
- Tommy DeVito: What do you mean I'm funny?
- Henry Hill: It's funny, you know. It's a good story, it's funny, you're a funny guy.
- [laughs]
- Tommy DeVito: What do you mean, you mean the way I talk? What?
- Henry Hill: It's just, you know. You're just funny, it's... funny, you know the way you tell the story and everything.
- Tommy DeVito: [it becomes quiet] Funny how? What's funny about it?
- Anthony Stabile: Tommy, you got it all wrong.
- Tommy DeVito: Oh, oh, Anthony. He's a big boy, he knows what he said. What did you say? Funny how?
- Henry Hill: Jus...
- Tommy DeVito: What?
- Henry Hill: Just... you know... you're funny.
- Tommy DeVito: You mean, let me understand this cause, you know maybe it's me, it's a little fucked up maybe, but I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to fucking amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?
- Henry Hill: Just... you know, how you tell the story, what?
- Tommy DeVito: No, no, I don't know, you said it. How do I know? You said I'm funny. How the fuck am I funny, what the fuck is so funny about me? Tell me, tell me what's funny!
- Henry Hill: [long pause] Get the fuck out of here, Tommy!
- Tommy DeVito: [everyone laughs] You motherfucker! I almost had him. I almost had him. You stuttering prick you. Frankie, was he shaking? I wonder about you sometimes, Henry. You may fold under questioning.
- Tommy DeVito: No more shines, Billy.
- Billy Batts: What?
- Tommy DeVito: I said, no more shines. Maybe you didn't hear about it, you've been away a long time. They didn't go up there and tell you. I don't shine shoes anymore.
- Billy Batts: Relax, will you? You flip right out, what's got into you? I'm breaking your balls a little bit, that's all. I'm only kidding with you.
- Tommy DeVito: Sometimes you don't sound like you're kidding. You know, there's a lot of people around.
- Billy Batts: I'm only kidding with you. We're having a party, I just came home and I haven't seen you in a long time and I'm breaking your balls, and you're getting fucking fresh. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you.
- Tommy DeVito: I'm sorry too. It's okay. No problem.
- Billy Batts: Okay, salud.
- Billy Batts: [takes a drink] Now go home and get your fucking shinebox.
- Tommy DeVito: [Yelling] MOTHERFUCKING MUTT! YOU, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!
- Billy Batts: [taunting] Yeah, yeah, yeah, come on, come on, come on!
- Tommy DeVito: MOTHERFUCKING... HE BOUGHT HIS FUCKING BUTTON! THAT FAKE OLD TOUGH GUY! YOU BOUGHT YOUR FUCKING BUTTON! You mother fuck... Fuck! Keep that motherfucker here. Keep him here. Keep him here. Come on.
- [leaves]
- Stacks Edwards: What time is it?
- Tommy DeVito: It's 11:30. We were supposed to be there by 9:00.
- Stacks Edwards: Be ready in a minute.
- Tommy DeVito: Yeah, you're always fucking late. You're gonna be late for your own fucking funeral.
- [shoots him]
- Jimmy Conway: [after Tommy shoots Spider dead] What's the fucking matter with you? What - what is the fucking matter with you? What are you, stupid or what? Tommy, Tommy, I'm kidding with you. What the fuck are you doing? What are you, a fucking sick maniac?
- Tommy DeVito: How do I know you're kidding? What do you mean you're kidding? You breaking my fucking balls?
- Jimmy Conway: I'm fucking kidding with you! You fucking shoot the guy?
- Henry Hill: He's dead.
- Tommy DeVito: Good shot. What do you want from me? Good shot.
- Anthony Stabile: How could you miss at this distance?
- Tommy DeVito: What? You got a problem with what I did, Anthony?
- Anthony Stabile: No.
- Tommy DeVito: Fucking rat anyway. His family's all rats. Would've grown up to be a rat.
- Jimmy Conway: Stupid bastard. I can't fucking believe you. Now, you're gonna dig the fucking thing up. You're gonna dig the hole. You're gonna do it. I got no fucking lime. You're gonna do it.
- Tommy DeVito: Who the fuck cares? I'll dig the fucking hole. I don't give a fuck. What is it, the first hole I dug? Not the first time I dug a hole. I'll dig the fucking hole. Where are the shovels?
- Tommy's Mother: Why don't you get yourself a nice girl?
- Tommy DeVito: I get a nice one almost every night, Ma.
- Tommy's Mother: Yeah, but get yourself a girl so you could settle down.
- Tommy DeVito: I settle down almost every night but then, in the morning, I'm free.
- Tommy DeVito: We hit the deer and his paw... What do you call it? The paw.
- Jimmy Conway: [Speaking through a mouth full of pasta] The hoof.
- Tommy DeVito: It got caught in the grill. I got to hack it off.
- Tommy DeVito: [sitting in car with Henry] The only thing, is she won't go out with me alone, you know?
- Henry Hill: No.
- Tommy DeVito: No, what?
- Henry Hill: No.
- Tommy DeVito: No, what, Henry? Who the fuck asked you anything? I didn't even ask you anything, at least hear what I have to say.
- Henry Hill: Alright, what?
- Tommy DeVito: Okay, what. She don't want to go out with Italians alone. She's prejudiced against Italians. Do you believe that? In this day and age? What the fuck is the world coming to? I can't believe this, prejudiced against Ital - a Jew broad - prejudiced against Italians. Anyway, she won't go out with me alone unless her girlfriend comes with her, so I figured you could come along and go out with her girlfriend.
- Henry Hill: See? I knew it - I knew it. I knew it. I knew it.
- Tommy DeVito: You knew what, Henry? See? What? What the fuck is wrong with that?
- Henry Hill: When is this?
- Tommy DeVito: Tomorrow night.
- Henry Hill: I can't tomorrow night, I gotta meet Tuddy.
- Tommy DeVito: You could meet Tuddy. You could fucking come early and then still go.
- Henry Hill: Tommy, Tommy. Why do you always do this to me?
- Tommy DeVito: Don't give me that fucking "Tommy" shit. What the fuck I asked you for, Henry? I asked you for a favor. I do a lot of fucking favors for you, don't I? I'm trying to bang this fucking broad, you wanna help me out!
- [view switches to outside of car with view of restaurant, smoke billows from restaurant windows]
- Tommy DeVito: It's like... uh... ah...
- Henry Hill: What?
- Tommy DeVito: I don't understand you! She's fucking beautiful. Her fucking family, they live in the Five Towns there. You know these Jew broads got a lot of money. Maybe the family owns the whole fucking block. and you happen to end up with a big fucking score, motherfucker.
- Henry Hill: [turning to look at the restaurant] Oh, fuck!
- Tommy DeVito: What?
- Henry Hill: See? You and your fucking mouth!
- [car speeds away]
- Tommy DeVito: [Tommy mocks Spider] Oklahoma Kid. That's me. I'm the Oklahoma Kid. You fucking varmint! Dance. Dance. YAHOO, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!
- [shoots Spider in the foot]
- Tommy DeVito: He said, "No, you're gonna tell me something today, tough guy." I said, "All right, I'll tell you something: go fuck your mother." Bing, pow, poom, ping!
- Tommy DeVito: [Henry, Jimmy and Tommy are digging up Billy Batts' decomposed corpse. Henry is vomiting from the stench, while the others don't appear to be bothered] Hey, Henry, Henry, hurry up, will you? My mother's gonna make some fried peppers and sausage for us.
- [Jimmy and Tommy laugh while Henry vomits]
- Jimmy Conway: Oh, hey, Henry, Henry! Here's an arm!
- Henry Hill: Very funny, guys.
- Jimmy Conway: Here's a leg!
- Tommy DeVito: Here's a wing!
- [laughs]
- Tommy DeVito: Hey, what do you like, the leg or the wing, Henry? Or you still go for the old hearts and lungs?
- Henry Hill: [Vomiting] Oh, that's so bad!
- Tommy DeVito: Just don't go busting my balls, Billy, okay?
- Billy Batts: Hey, Tommy, if I was gonna break your balls, I'd tell you to go home and get your shine box.
- [to his friends]
- Billy Batts: Now this kid, this kid was great. They, they used to call him Spitshine Tommy.
- Tommy DeVito: [about Morrie's corpse] Hey, Frank, let's chop him up.
- Frankie Carbone: All right.
- [starts to get out of the car]
- Tommy DeVito: Where you going? Where you going, you dizzy motherfucker, you?
- Frankie Carbone: To chop him up.
- Tommy DeVito: At Charlie's, not here!
- [Carbone mumbles to himself in Italian]
- Tommy DeVito: Come on, what are you doing? Let's get the fuck out of here. I ought to let him
- [motions to Morrie]
- Tommy DeVito: fucking drive. Come on. What are you waiting for?
- Frankie Carbone: The car's cold. I gotta warm it up.
- Tommy DeVito: Get the fuck out of here! What fucking warm it up? Get out of here!
- Tommy DeVito: What the fuck you looking at? Come on. Make that coffee to go. Let's go.
- [Frankie mumbles something and goes to the door with the coffee pot in his hand]
- Tommy DeVito: What the fuck are you doing? It's a joke! A joke! Put the fucking pot down! What, you gonna take the coffee?
- Tommy DeVito: [Infuriated at Spider and speaking to the other card players] Hey, what's that movie that Bogart made?
- Anthony Stabile: Which one?
- Tommy DeVito: The one where he played a cowboy. He only did one.
- Anthony Stabile: Oh... ah... The Oklahoma Kid.
- Jimmy Conway: Shane?
- Tommy DeVito: Oklahoma Kid!
- Tommy DeVito: [to Jimmy] Shane...
- [They all laugh]
- Tommy DeVito: "What do you want to tell me now, tough guy?" I said, "Bing, what are you doing here? I thought I told you to go fuck your mother!"
- [group laughs]
- Tommy DeVito: I thought he was gonna shit!
- Morrie: [Talking about point shaving] Oh, it was terrific, yeah. Nunzio, up in... agh!
- [Tommy stabs Morrie's brain stem from behind with an ice pick]
- Tommy DeVito: Thought he'd never shut the fuck up.
- Jimmy Conway: Ah, pain in the ass.
