Quotes

The War of the Roses

Oliver Rose: I think you owe me a solid reason. I worked my ass off for you and the kids to have a nice life and you owe me a reason that makes sense. I want to hear it.
Barbara Rose: Because. When I watch you eat. When I see you asleep. When I look at you lately, I just want to smash your face in.

Gavin: There are two dilemmas... that rattle the human skull. How do you hold onto someone who won't stay? And how do you get rid of someone who won't go?

Oliver Rose: You have sunk below the deepest layer of prehistoric frog shit at the bottom of a New Jersey scum swamp.

Oliver Rose: You weren't even multi-orgasmic before you met me, were you?
Barbara Rose: You really expect me to keep on reassuring you sexually even now when we disgust each other?

Oliver Rose: [just got into the chandelier which pulled him of the balcony] I think I can swing this over to the balcony.
Barbara Rose: Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
Barbara Rose: I loosened the bolt. I was gonna drop it on you.
Oliver Rose: Ooh. That's a good one.

Oliver Rose: [Oliver and Barbara pass each other on the stairs] Stinking bitch!
Barbara Rose: Dumb bastard!
Oliver Rose: Slut!
Barbara Rose: Scum!
Oliver Rose: Filth!
Barbara Rose: Faggot!
[Passes Susan]
Barbara Rose: Morning, Susan.

Gavin: My father used to say there are four things that tell the world who a man is: his house, his car, his wife, and his shoes.

Gavin: Oliver, my father used to say that a man can never outdo a woman when it comes to love and revenge.

Gavin: At 15, I became an evolutionist, and it all became clear: We came from mud. And after 3.8 billion years of evolution, at our core is still mud. Nobody can be a divorce lawyer and doubt that.

Mr. Fisk: [Speaking to the other guests after seeing Oliver urinating on the stove] A family tiff seems to be developing. I don't know if we should leave, but I definitely advise skipping the fish course.

Barbara Rose: [after making love to Oliver, several times, upon their very first meeting] If we end up together, then this is the most romantic evening of my life. And if we don't, then I'm the world's biggest slut.

Oliver Rose: Wh--why do you want a divorce? I mean... did l do something? Did l... did l *not* do something?
Barbara Rose: l can't give you specifics, Oliver.
Oliver Rose: Well, try!
Barbara Rose: I don't *want* to try!
Oliver Rose: ls there somebody else? Another man?
Barbara Rose: No.
Oliver Rose: A woman?
Barbara Rose: You wish.

[last lines]
Gavin: [on the phone with his wife] Hi, what're you doing? I'm coming home. Love you.
[smooches]
Gavin: Bye.

Barbara Rose: [learning that Oliver is moving back into the home] This is the stupidest thing you've ever done!
Oliver Rose: Second stupidest.

[first lines]
Gavin: [talking to a client] You have some valid reasons for wanting a divorce.
[blows his nose with a handkerchief]
Gavin: Excuse me. My sinuses are very sensitive to irritants.
[sprays nasal decongestant up his nostrils]
Gavin: In the past five months, I think I've breathed freely with both sides working maybe a week total.
[pulls a cigarette out of a pack]
Gavin: I gotta cut this out. It's gonna kill me.
[lights his cigarette]
Gavin: I hadn't smoked for 13 years. I kept the last cigarette from my last pack. I said if I never smoked this one cigarette I'll never smoke again, period. Thirteen years I kept that cigarette.
[fetches a plastic case out of a drawer]
Gavin: I had this little case made for it.
[opens it and shows it to him]
Gavin: Thirteen years. And then, one Thursday afternoon, Barbara came to see me. And when she left...

Oliver Rose: [mistakenly almost hits Susan with the thrown chair] Oh, I'm sorry, Susan. I thought you were Barbara.

Oliver Rose: What the hell is wrong with you?
Gavin: [cut to interior of Gavin's office] If you're with a woman for any length of time, eventually you'll ask her that question.

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