Mel Smith credited as playing...
Inspector Flint
- [Flint has found Henry in the graveyard]
- Inspector Flint: I bet if we dug up these graves, we'd find a dead body in every one!
- Henry Wilt: Well, so would I!
- Inspector Flint: Your wife! Your wife is *dead*!
- Henry Wilt: You know what, Inspector, for the first time since I met you, you're in danger of actually being right about something!
- [Henry wacks Flint into an open grave with the shovel, and runs off]
- Inspector Flint: [to Wilt, who has just attacked him thinking he is a mugger] I *am* the fucking police, you gormless erection!
- Henry Wilt: You can beat me up if you like - it won't do any good.
- Inspector Flint: You're wrong there - It'll do me the power of good!
- [Flint has realised that Henry is innocent of all charges]
- Inspector Flint: In that case, *I* am under arrest. I am hereby arresting myself, for conspiring to falsify evidence for the wrongful arrest of a private citizen, misuse of police manpower and resources, and for knowingly obtaining an unlicensed firearm from an illegal source, with intent to murder and maim.
- [Hands shotgun to Eva]
- Inspector Flint: I am not obliged to say anything, but anything I do say can be noted and used as evidence. If someone would care to call the police, I shall be in the cemetery.
- [Flint exits, while Henry joins Eva]
- Henry Wilt: He's been under a lot of stress, lately.
- Inspector Flint: [Wilt has just told him what happened to Eva's note] Do you mean to say that the one piece of evidence that could corroborate your story is wrapped round a turd half way to the North Sea?
- Henry Wilt: Yes.
- Inspector Flint: How tragically inconvenient!
- Inspector Flint: You're inferring we're all thick?
- Henry Wilt: No, I'm IMPLYING you're all thick, you're inferring that that is what I'm IMPLYING.
- [in a sex shop]
- Inspector Flint: Good God! Do people really buy tartan dildos?
- Salesman: That's my thermos, Mr. Flint.
