Bill Paxton: Chet

Weird Science

Chet

Chet: [opens a pantry door, his grandparents are in there, frozen] Hi Nanny, hi Grampy.
Chet: [closes door and turns to everyone else] I'm not a moron, you know. I...
Chet: [suddenly realizes] Was that my grandparents?
Chet: [Lisa nods, Chet opens the door again] Are they dead?
Lisa: Oh, no, they're just resting.
Chet: What are they doing in here?
Lisa: I put them in there. I didn't want the boys to get into trouble. Quite frankly, they weren't having a very good time at the party.
Chet: Not having a good time? Do you think they're having a good time being catatonic in a closet?

Chet: [30:08] Like your panties!
Wyatt: It's a joke, Chet!
Chet: That's not a joke, that's a severe behavioral disorder. I mean, the next thing you know, you'll be wearing a bra on your head!

[Gary and Wyatt have just returned home from a bar. Gary is very drunk but Wyatt is perfectly sober]
Chet: [to Wyatt] If he pukes, you die.

Chet: [to Wyatt] Boy, I wouldn't give a squirt of piss for your ass right now.

Chet: [pointing a rifle at Gary's face] Freeze!
Gary Wallace: Chet!
Chet: [Hits Gary in the head with the rifle] Where's my brother?
Gary Wallace: Ow... uh, I don't know.
Chet: [Hits Gary again] You're dead meat pilgrim!
[Points the rifle at Deb]
Gary Wallace: Chet, Chet, Chet, Chet, that's her nose. Come on, Chet she's got nothing to do with this!
Chet: Ok. You die, she walks out of here with a severe limp.
[Points the rifle at Gary and Deb repeately, then hits both in the head]
Chet: I'll be back.
[Leaves the room]
Gary Wallace: That's Wyatt's older brother Chet. He's kind of an asshole.

Chet: [22:28] You're stewed, butt wad!
Wyatt: [looks around; nervously] Me?
Chet: Do you know what time it is?
Wyatt: [guessing] Two?
Chet: Time to play the fiddler.
Wyatt: I was kind-of counting on you to be human about this...
Chet: Here's the bottom line, Wyatt. I'm telling mom and dad everything. I'm even considering making up some shit
Wyatt: All right Chet, name your price
Chet: $175 and zero cents cash new bills crisp and clean. In my wallet by 7AM.
Wyatt: Thank you
Chet: Hey, what are big brothers for?

[Chet finds out that the house is a mess and his room is snowing. He blasts the door to his sister's room where Wyatt are Hilly were sleeping]
Wyatt: [1:15:03] Hi Chet.
Chet: [Grabs Wyatt] What the hell is going on around here?
Wyatt: It was an accident Chet.
Chet: An accident? An accident? Do you realize it's snowing in my room goddammit!
Wyatt: It's weird Chet. It's really weird Chet.
Chet: It doesn't take a genius to figure that out monkey dick. Start talking little man.
Wyatt: It's a really long story Chet. Gary and I were messing around with the computer Friday night. We decided to make a woman and we did and she went crazy and she messed up the whole house.
Chet: Don't smart mouth me you wormy little shit!
[Places Wyatt in a neck hold]
Hilly: Look just leave him alone!
Chet: Stay out of this bimbo! It's a family matter.
Wyatt: Look Chet. Find Lisa. She'll clear up everything.
[Chet tightens his grip on Wyatt]
Wyatt: You can have my college money. And my social security, Chet.
[Chet releases Wyatt]

[23:39]
Chet: The boozehounds returns!... What a joke. Hi, girls. How about a nice greasy pork sandwich served in a dirty ashtray?

Chet: [1:24:25] Hi, dudes. I'm sorry Wyatt. I'm sorry for being such a shit to you all these years. I want you to know that I love you.
Gary Wallace: That's nasty, Wyatt
Wyatt: That's Chet, Gary

Chet: You got everybody synched to the same bull shit story.
Lisa: This isn't bull shit. This is a Pershing missile, Chip.
Chet: It's Chet. My name is Chet. And I didn't think it was a whale's dick, honey.