Adrian Edmondson credited as playing...
Dennis Carter
- Commander Robertson: Where did you get that suntan, Dennis?
- Dennis Carter: On holiday.
- Commander Robertson: Where?
- Dennis Carter: Look, I'm not saying anything 'til I've seen a solicitor.
- Commander Robertson: Officer, is there a first-aid box in this station?
- Constable Collins: Well, of course, sir.
- Commander Robertson: Good. Have this man beaten up.
- Dennis Carter: [terrified, as Collins advances with a truncheon] No, no! Look, don't hit me! I'll tell you, I'll tell you! I was in Hope Cove in Devon with me mum!
- Commander Robertson: Ah, I'd like you to meet these two police undercover officers, Dennis. This is Harvey Duncan, who'll be acting as your minder, and this is Policewoman Lesley Reynolds, who'll be going as your girlfriend.
- Dennis Carter: That's not my girlfriend!
- Commander Robertson: She is now!
- [being pursued by a motorcycle policeman]
- Dennis Carter: We've lost him, Harv...
- Lesley Reynolds: Well done, Harvey.
- Dennis Carter: Yeah, nice bit of driving, Harvey!
- [the car crashes into a traffic sign]
- Lesley Reynolds: What about Jim?
- Troy: Oh, little Squealer here stuck a knife in his neck, didn't you?
- Dennis Carter: Don't be stupid!
- [Troy kicks him off the bed]
- Troy: Pardon?
- Dennis Carter: Beauty.
- Lesley Reynolds: Famous.
- Dennis Carter: Supergrass!
- Harvey Duncan: Dead.
- [Dennis laughs]
- Lesley Reynolds: Torso.
- [they're pulled over]
- Dennis Carter: Police!
- [Dennis, Harvey and Lesley are pulled over]
- Lesley Reynolds: Driving licence?
- Dennis Carter: Haven't got one.
- Harvey Duncan: What?
- Dennis Carter: I don't have one.
- Lesley Reynolds: Shit!
- Dennis Carter: Pants!
- Harvey Duncan: Shut up, Dennis!
- Harvey Duncan: [as Dennis exits the motorway en route to Hope Cove] Where are you going?
- Dennis Carter: A303, it's the pretty route.
- Harvey Duncan: Why?
- Dennis Carter: If I go on the motorway, I usually nod off and then crash.
- Harvey Duncan: [considers this, then nods] Take the pretty route.
- Dennis Carter: [drunk] You've gotta be lucky. But then again, I don't think they'll catch up with me in Sri Lanka.
- Lesley Reynolds: Why not?
- Dennis Carter: Because I'll grow a moustache! I could grow a beard, I could... But... I always think people with beards have got something to hide, you know... Have you ever grown a beard, Harvey?
- Harvey Duncan: No.
- Dennis Carter: No, nor have I.
