Mel Brooks: Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke

High Anxiety

Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke

Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: [ripping duct tape off Brophy's mouth] Where is Brisbane?
Brophy: They took him to
Brophy: [screams]

Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: And remember, folks. Be good to your parents. They were good to you.

Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: As I was saying, it came to my attention that just before Dr. Ashley's untimely death, he was planning to make some very big changes here at the institute. Do any of you know specifically what those changes might be?
Dr. Wentworth: Well, for one thing, he wanted to change...
Nurse Diesel: The drapes.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: The drapes?
Nurse Diesel: The drapes. He wanted to change the drapes in the Psychotic Game Room.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: That was the extent of the big change, the... drapes?
Nurse Diesel: Oh, yes. Dr. Ashley felt that color has a great deal to do with the well-being of the emotionally disturbed.

Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: You want to x-ray the celery? What do you think we're smuggling dope in the celery? The celery's not for dope. It's for dip!

Victoria Brisbane: Have you seen my father at the Institute? Is he all right?
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: He's fine, he's fine. He's coming along just fine. He's very affectionate. He licked me.
Victoria Brisbane: He what?
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Well, he thinks he's a dog these days.
Victoria Brisbane: A dog?
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: A dog, yes.
Victoria Brisbane: Do you mind if I smoke?

Dr. Charles Montague: Rate of patient recovery? I'll have that for you in a moment.
[taps on his calculator]
Dr. Charles Montague: Once in a blue moon.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Once in a blue moon. Hmm.

Victoria Brisbane: [bursting into Thorndyke's room] Get away from the door!
[begins wheezing as if out of breath]
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Who are you?
Victoria Brisbane: Get away from me.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Just a second...
[she cuts him off]
Victoria Brisbane: Be quiet, they'll hear you. Don't move. Go inside. Go to your room.
[they enter the living room]
Victoria Brisbane: The drapes! Close the drapes!
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: The drapes. Close the drapes.
[Repeating, to himself]
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Close the drapes.
Victoria Brisbane: Close the other one. Get down! Lower! Good. Quick, come here. Get up. Sit down. Not there, here.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Here?
Victoria Brisbane: There.

Victoria Brisbane: [Pointing to his nametag] Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke... What does the 'H' stand for?
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: [Puts his hand over his mouth and indistinctly mumbles something]
Victoria Brisbane: [Not understanding] What?
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: [Now speaking clearly] Harpo... My mother loved the Marx Brothers. She saw all their movies. She named me Harpo.
Victoria Brisbane: Harpo? Harpo... I like it. You know, it's very refreshing. I mean, there are certain names that you just don't hear very often these days.

Dr. Vicktor Lillolman: [Talking to Dr. Thorndyke while Thorndyke is having a panic attack on the stairs] Richard! Richard, listen to me... I have researched your case. I know what is giving you the High Anxiety. I have found the answer. Go back in your mind. Go back. Go back! You are a little baby. Your mother and father are fighting. They are always fighting! They are fighting about YOU!
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: [after a childhood flashback reveals the truth to him] I understand now. I understand now! It's not heights I'm afraid of... it's PARENTS!
Dr. Vicktor Lillolman: Ja. Ja! Now climb, you son of a bitch! CLIMB!

Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Forgive me for prying. But, what happened to your mustache?
Norton: Well, as you know, things can get a bit dicey on this wing. On day, I wasn't on my toes and one of the patients reached out and tore off ½ of my mustache.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: That must have been awful!
Norton: [very flatly] You will never know the pain.

Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: [addressing the audience at the American Psychiatric Convention] Fellow analysts, psychiatrists, psychologists, and laypeople. Today, I would like to discuss some of the lesser-known aspects of psychobiological therapy. One hundred years ago, psychology was akin to witchcraft. But some of these great people - these giants behind me - gave us... a nice living.

Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Let me backtrack for a second. The female erogenous zone.
Dr. Colburn: You mean the balloons?
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Oh, no, no, no. Lower. Lower, much lower. Where the babies come out. The woo... The woowoo.
Dr. Colburn: The woowoo?
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Yes! The woowoo. Perhaps the most significant psychological feminine component known to mankind.

[Dr. Thorndyke brushes his teeth]
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: [starts off slow] Up and down. Up and down. Side, side, side, side, side. In and out. In and out. Side, side, side, side, side.
[quicker, now]
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Up and down. Up and down. Side, side, side, side, side. In and out. In and out.
[very deliberate for the finish]
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Side, side, side, side, side.

Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: [sets off alarm while going through airport security in disguise carrying a gun] What is this, a game show? What did I win, a Pinto?
Airport Attendant: I'm sorry sir, we're going to have to search you.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Please sir, what did I do? What did I do? What's my crime?
Airport Attendant: You beeped.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: I beeped! I beeped! Take me away! Take me back to Russia! Put me in irons! I beeped! The mad beeper is loose! Take away the beeper! Take me away!

Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: [after having had a panic attack in Professor Lillolman's office] Thank you, thank you Professor. I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me.
Dr. Vicktor Lillolman: I know what came over you: High Anxiety. You've still got it!
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: It's probably the excitement and tension of taking over this new post. I'm... sure it will pass.
Dr. Vicktor Lillolman: [Leans in close to Thorndyke's face] Bullshit! These things do not let go. High Anxiety can be a very dangerous enemy! If left unchecked, it could cost you your LIFE!