Ronnie Barker credited as playing...
Albert Arkwright
- Arkwright: I want a w-w-word with you.
- Granville: That's three words.
- Arkwright: That girl of Grimshaw's.
- Granville: Big Edna?
- Arkwright: Have you been kn-kn-knocking
- Granville: I have only admired her from a distance.
- Arkwright: Let me finish. Have you been kn-kn-knocking coppers off her weekly order?
- Granville: You do the same for Mrs Featherstone.
- Arkwright: Not without putting them back somewhere else.
- Granville: You won't let me buy firelighters. You say they're too expensive.
- Arkwright: They are in this damn shop. I'm not paying these prices! Get round the Co-op and buy some.
- [pause]
- Arkwright: Go and open a packet.
- Granville: [leaves the room, to return a few seconds later] Not if they're going to count as my birthday present.
- Nurse Gladys Emmanuel: What are your meringues like?
- Arkwright: I'm not telling you till after we're married.
- Mrs Blewitt: So. You're going to Parslow's funeral.
- Arkwright: Yes. Even though it's very unlikely that he'll ever come to mine.
- Nurse Gladys Emmanuel: She has a face like a fit.
- Arkwright: Aye, but what it would fit, I'll never know. It is like her facial muscles don't know the meaning of the word "teamwork".
- Arkwright: D'ya know what you need? A good walloping.
- Nurse Gladys Emmanuel: Oh, yeah and who's gonna give it to me?
- Arkwright: I? I? I am.
- Nurse Gladys Emmanuel: Oh, three of you.
- Mrs Featherstone: [Granville has just walked into Mrs. Featherstone] Not even my husband used to get that close.
- Arkwright: [to Granville] Dear God! Where did you catch her?
