- Samantha: Then I thought of the most brilliant scientific mind of the age.
- Dr. Bombay: Thank you.
- Samantha: But he died a year ago, so I decided to call you.
- Endora: Samantha, I will not stand here and be insulted by something which is 94 percent water.
- Darrin Stephens: Oh, yeah! Well, what about something which is a hundred percent hot air?
- Darrin Stephens: Hello, sir.
- Maurice: Please, why so formal? Call me Maurice.
- Darrin Stephens: Okay... Maurice.
- Maurice: Or Dad.
- Darrin Stephens: Okay... Dad.
- Maurice: You were right, "Sir" is best.
- Samantha: Darling, I've been trying for weeks to give this house a thorough cleaning. These carpets are filthy.
- Darrin Stephens: How can you worry about dirt on the rugs when we're about to see the surface of the moon?
- Samantha: The moon could use a vacuuming too. All that dust... yych.
- Samantha: Now when it comes to Santa Claus, most mortals don't believe he exists... just like they don't believe in witches.
- Samantha: Gladys, what are you doing?
- Gladys Kravitz: I came over for a snoop, uh, a scoop of sugar. I hope I'm not disturbing you.
- [after finding out Samantha's been to the moon before]
- Newscaster's Voice: With the evidence of this and future space voyages, we may be closer than we think to actually shooting a man to the moon.
- Darrin Stephens: I could save them the trip.
- Samantha: [to her mother] You know, this has been the strangest morning. First Darrin starts asking ridiculous questions and then you pop in like Lady Macbeth doing the neglected mother bit.
- Darrin Stephens: You remember Louise Tate, don't you, Serena?
- Cousin Serena: Ohhhh yes! Hi, Louise!
- Louise Tate: Hi!
- Cousin Serena: [to Larry Tate so Louise can't hear them] Congratulations, Cotton-Top, you got a wild-looking chick there!
