Dave Miller(L)

Dave Miller wasted his youth on Shakespeare and all the corresponding 19th century musical accompaniments. Growing into manhood, he made a nuisance of himself at Georgetown University where he graduated in the bottom 10% of his class and is considered by that institution to be their most embarrassing alumnus since Pat Buchanan. Dave then made a bigger nuisance of himself in the U.S. Army where he failed to follow any published regulation and managed to still bring back all the soldiers under his command from Mosul, Iraq without a scratch. Following that misadventure, Dave undid good starting in 2006 with the U.S. Department of State where he was considered a bumptious, impish, dissembling Philistine by envious U.S. Ambassadors reviled at his provable multilingualism (as opposed to just masqueraded fluency, so otherwise romanticized in the ranks), and his rebellious penchant of treating everyone he meets with due diligent deference. This all abruptly ended after 19 years in 2025 when Elon Musk gave Dave, "an offer he couldn't refuse." When not undoing artistic good, Dave makes himself a further hindrance to the progress of humanity by being frequently found walking one of the many routes of El Camino de Santiago de Compostela . Scorned by academics, shunned by military generals, and detested by diplomats, Dave's last resort in bringing some sort of latitudinarianism to his life was by writing and acting. So far, the only visible results are a lifestyle so impecunious he has had to force his wife into prostitution, sell his children into slavery, and walk around dressed like an escapee from a debtor's prison. Stay tuned.