Quotes

I once threw a knuckleball for a strike... it was the worst bowling injury I ever had.

I was born on the Pisces- Aries cusp. My daydreams are RUTHLESSLY ambitious.

[Referring to a pitcher surrendering too many home runs]: He throws more meatballs than Chef Boyardee.

[Referring to Wally Amos when a pitcher surrenders too many home runs]: He serves up more cookies than Famous Amos.

[Referring to a pitcher surrendering too many home runs by throwing too many hanging breaking balls]: He throws out more hangers than Macy's in January.

[Referring to Wade Boggs in wordplay when a baseball player doesn't hustle down the first base line after making contact]: Nice effort, "Wade Joggs."

I want to lose weight like Tom Hanks for a role, but I keep gaining weight like Christian Bale for a role.

I’m not saying I have bad knees... But when I walk up a flight of stairs, it sounds like a Yahtzee! tournament.

JFK should never have gone to Texas in the first place... he should've just stayed in Marilyn.

(On parenting a young child with an imaginary friend): Imaginary friend now? Creative! He might be Dylan Thomas, or even better: Bob Dylan! Imaginary friend 10 years from now? Worrisome. He might be Dylan Klebold, or even worse: Bob Dylan.

Never give music lessons to a group of gastroenterologists; when you show them 'Cdim,' it clears the room.

Never give music lessons to Gastroenterologists; when you try to show them 'Cdim,' they'll clear the room.

Do in the micro. Think in the mezzo. See in the macro.

Do micro. Be mezzo. See macro.

[Referring to a pitcher surrendering too many home runs]: He puts more balls in the seats than Shane Gillis opening for Bill Burr.

[on being a Boy of Summer]: I'd say this winter stuff is for the birds, but even they have the sense to fly away from it.

[A Christmas/Holiday blessing]: May you be thrilled by your loved ones' presents today, and warmed by their presence, always.

[in 2015]: Donald Sutherland looks more like a 'Rufus' than any non-dog in history.